Translate

Tuesday 15 December 2015

Life Path Number 22


I was directed to this website to find out my life path number and this is what it says based on my birth date...

You were born under the most powerful and potentially the most successful of all Life Path numbers.

It offers you the extremes of life's possibilities: on one hand, you have the potential to be the Master Builder, the person capable of perceiving something great in the archetypal world and manifesting it in the relative world; on the other hand, you can slip into the depths of obscurity, achieving little more than personal support.

Your power is delicate. It exists by virtue of your ideals and vision, which you must use to inspire others to join you in your dream. Only by marshalling collective forces are you able to bring together the necessary elements - people, ideas, resources - that will enable you to realize your goals. 

You Are Understanding

Consequently, your Life Path is one requiring dramatic evolution. By being able to integrate seemingly conflicting characteristics within yourself - your inspiring vision and your natural tendency toward practicality, for example - you develop the talent to deal effectively with a great variety of people. This allows you to understand and unite many differing people toward a single goal, melding them into a concerted whole. Your task in life is to unite the dream with the bottom line. In short, you are the visionary with your feet on the ground. 

You Understand Limitations

You are good at business and politics. You naturally understand large institutions, and have the ability to think and act on an international scale. You are gifted with uncommonly sound common sense. You are able to see the beauty and potential in a given idea, but also the practical methods that will bring it to fruition. Somehow, you understand the limitations of ideas - - what will work and what will not. This is an intuitive gift that can evaluate possibilities on the basis of their practicality.

You Strive To Accomplish

While in many aspects the 22 is the most promising number, it is also the most difficult to live up to. You have a great ambition, which can be a most difficult master, driving you to accomplish all that you are capable of. You are a steady partner in any relationship. You offer sound advice and consistent emotional support. You do not suffer from flights of fancy, and naturally resist the emotional heights. You are unconventional in thought and action, but tend to be traditional in appearance. You avoid airs and pretension.

Accept The Bigger Picture

Your challenge is to share your vision and allow others to make their personal contributions. That requires flexibility on your part, perhaps your weakest characteristic. You often lack faith in the ability of others. Therefore, you tend to control people and situations, sometimes tempted to manipulate. In the end, you must learn to surrender to the larger cause that you serve. The final result may be quite different from your original vision, but with faith and commitment you will make an enduring impact on the world.

Learn Balance

You are romantic, but your love is more impersonal. You tend to be focused on your dreams. When you are not in harmony with your true nature, you can fall to moodiness, or become aloof, and withdrawn. You can become timid, uncertain, and ungrateful, putting the blame for your troubles on others or the world. You have a gift for examining your life objectively, and at some distance. Be honest with yourself. By openly facing your shortcomings, as well as your strengths, you develop equilibrium. You are thus able to love and better understand yourself and all of life.

My life over the last few years has demonstrated a lot of this information to me and I believe I am meant for great things.

If you are inspired to collaborate with me in anyway get in touch and we can talk about some potential life changing possibilities!

Love

Jennifer xx

Tuesday 8 December 2015

So I have a friend who has discovered the beauty of speaking her truth. This is amazing and she is transforming all the time.

My truth is that I feel like a traveller. I'm am explorer. An adventurer. I think the years of habit have made me more comfortable sat watching TV or playing on the PC. 

When I actually get on my bicycle after the initial grumpy thoughts of "I cant be arsed" I absolutely love what I see and how I feel. Until I force myself to do it, I am quite happy sitting on my arse but I don't feel enriched.

I have a business in the health and wellness industry and whilst I can do this anywhere in the world right now I feel inclined to stay in Liverpool. 

Liverpool is a special place to me as it's where I grew up. The people are diverse and even though we get bad press it's one of the friendliest places I've lived.

I think part of my problem is I often get carried away dreaming about what I don't have than appreciating what I do have. Am I just trying to run away again?

These are the times I find meditation valuable. When decisions are difficult and my mind is consumed by a thousand thoughts it's best to find peace in this present moment through meditation.

On that note I'm going to breathe and focus on being present right here right now.

Are you a traveller? Do you get distracted? How do you refocus?

I am interested in your story xx

Saturday 5 December 2015

Rainbow Island Cleanse Review

To conclude the Rainbow Cleanse I have filmed a video. Be sure to watch all of it as I offer my advice.







I hope you enjoyed it :)



Kisses



Jennifer xx

Sunday 29 November 2015

Rainbow Island Cleanse Playlist

Hey I just completed the Rainbow Island Cleanse inspired by Chris Kendall​l and Ashley Clark​ where I eat one colour per day and meditate focusing on the corresponding chakra to the colours of the rainbow. Check out my playlist here.

I didn't entirely stick to the same colour every day (on day 5 I ate carrots and today I ate avocados), but I did it 100% raw and liked to mix up the fruits and veg I ate instead of mono one fruit all day.

This cleanse is amazing and I shall be creating a review video tomorrow to add to the playlist. Check it out and subscribe to my channel. I aim to expand on bralessness awareness :)


Sunday 18 October 2015

Enlightenment 101


Tuesday 13 October 2015

HIGH FAT VEGAN: What I Eat In A Day

Here's a video of what I eat in a day as a HIGH FAT vegan!!

Enjoy and let me know your thoughts xx


Sunday 11 October 2015

My scarily accurate astro chart...


Rising Sign is in 29 Degrees Virgo 
You tend to be very shy and not very self-assertive. You are supercritical about how you appear to others. Even though you may think you are uninteresting and dull, you are actually quite soft- spoken, orderly, neat and very likable. You are a perfectionist with high standards, and at times you can be quite tactless in pointing out the faults of others. Very practical, efficient and purposeful, your appearance and bearing reflect your need to appear graceful, sensible and reserved. You have a crisp, no-nonsense approach to dealing with others. Never lazy or self-indulgent, you tend to be dedicated to the work ethic. 

Sun is in 15 Degrees Virgo. 
Extremely careful and cautious by nature, you value neatness and order above all else. You rigorously practice very high standards of living and conduct and you demand the same of everyone with whom you come into contact. At times, you are so supercritical that you are merely nit-picky. You are very good at practical skills and quite handy with tools of all kinds. You are also greatly concerned with hygiene, cleanliness and personal health problems. Very likely your health is much better than you think it is -- don't worry so much! Extremely methodical and analytical, you are a perfectionist -- this makes you the perfect person to carry out highly detailed, precise operations. But, at times, you pay so much attention to details that you lose sight of the larger issues. 

Moon is in 05 Degrees Scorpio. 
Your feelings are very intense, never superficial. You tend to be either very angry or very sad or completely and totally happy. Your moods are deep, extreme and not always completely understood by yourself or by those with whom you have to deal. Emotionally, you tend to prefer to live at the cutting edge of life, pushing your reactions to the ultimate extremes, even if the results are dangerous or upsetting. You are easily jealous and very suspicious -- you require a great deal of emotional reassurance. A good detective, you are very curious about deep and mysterious things, especially human nature and motivations. Be careful not to be ruthless, tactless or too overly frank or you will meet with much resistance from others. 

Mercury is in 17 Degrees Virgo. 
Very thorough and efficient, you pay attention to the minor but important details of any project. You are a careful thinker who can learn complicated, intricate techniques. You are attracted to practical, useful skills and are probably good at working with your hands. You are very critical of yourself and others, sometimes too much so, and you get the reputation of being a nag or of being nit-picky. Your first reaction to any situation is to try to organize, classify and analyze everything! 

Venus is in 00 Degrees Scorpio. 
Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively if you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so -- you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you and, because they are so complex and intense, they frighten you -- this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them. 

Mars is in 16 Degrees Capricorn. 
Extremely ambitious, you are willing to work very hard to reach the goals you have set for yourself. Very practical, cautious and conservative, you demand tangible results for your efforts. You need to excel in whatever you do, and you have the required sense of responsibility, dedication and self-discipline to bring it about. Beware of your tendency to judge others only by their degree of status and prestige, or by how well they will be able to advance you in your climb to the top. 

Jupiter is in 18 Degrees Pisces. 
You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have -- try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You're a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries. 

Saturn is in 03 Degrees Sagittarius. 
Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing. 

Uranus is in 18 Degrees Sagittarius. 
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world. 

Neptune is in 03 Degrees Capricorn. 
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts. 

Pluto is in 05 Degrees Scorpio. 
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search. 

N. Node is in 21 Degrees Aries. 
You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it! 

Wednesday 2 September 2015

Food (not so) glorious food!

Time passes quickly, yet it feels like eating unlimited amounts of durian in Thailand was years ago. I had all of these plans to return home and fast, drink green juices, transition to a high fat low carb raw vegan diet and keep on being healthy. Well a lot of that hasn't quite happened yet and here's my story. 

When I was in Chanthaburi I started day dreaming about most of the cooked foods I was addicted to. Mainly refined carbs. I allowed myself to get carried away and I watched many YouTube videos of how to make then myself. So of course when I came home I was fuelled with these ideas, but instead of going the "healthier" route and making my own I just bought the prepared items from the shop and this ease then fuelled a long binge session. 

My weakness was always crumpets, so I ate quite a lot of them. Then I started eating toast, rice and pasta. Soon I got sick. I would eat so much that I'd wake up in the night and be so uncomfortable that making myself vomit would make me feel better. I know it's not a good thing to do, which is why I only did it twice. I hate to think about the people who become addicted to this practice. 

I believe that I do have an eating disorder though, it's called obsessive compulsive overeating. I am now at the point where I just constantly think about food and eating, and then I binge throughout the day. This isn't helped by my monotonous desk job as most of my food issues arise from boredom. 

Perhaps the next plan of action is to attend overeaters anonymous. I have already sought out local groups but I thought I could fix it all by myself. I don't think that's a possibility with the way things have been going. 

Don't get me wrong I eat healthy foods, I'm mostly raw and I've switched from eating my dad's bread to organic sprouted bread, I've also stopped eating crumpets, rice and pasta and if I cook food it's just vegetables (although I've eaten out a few times with friends). Now my issue is the portion sizes. After spending 2 years eating "unlimited" fruit and veg I've really cemented the "eat this till I'm stuffed" practice into my life, which makes it much harder to demonstrate self control when eating. 

I do practice mindfulness, but as soon as the food tantalises my taste buds I'm in a frenzied ego mode. On a side note that reminds me of GTA, but instead of killing people I'm hurting myself. 

That's the importance of this realisation. I am only hurting myself. 

Is it healthy to eat fruit and vegetables? Yes. 
Is it healthy to eat fruit and vegetables constantly throughout the day so that I never stop eating? No. 

So where do I go from here? Well I've gained the weight I originally lost, I have more fat on my stomach but more muscle on my legs. Years ago I learned that diet and exercise is 80% and 20% respectively, so I need to change my eating habits in order to attain my ideal weight/size. I've been so confused regarding diet and that's why I've just been eating whatever I want, so I have a few decisions to make. 

My goals are to be healthy, look healthy and feel healthy, so now I have to practice this wholly. I think it's important to eat lots of plant based foods. That's not changed in my mind. I think it's also important to eat raw. I quite like the idea that food should be as unprocessed as possible, so that means nothing can be blended, juiced or mixed. I think that will help me a lot and it will mean I have to chew everything, which will encourage my sensors to work properly. Then all I need to do is get in tune with these and listen to my body not my mind. 

Of course the body is just part of the health triangle. I also need to work on my mind and soul, particularly with regards to overcoming these habits and truly listening and making a bond with the creator. I recently attended a meetup that may have put me on the path to further my spiritual journey, so watch out for that. 

Much love,  Jennifer xx

Tuesday 25 August 2015

Cycling through Europe

I've been thinking a lot about cycling across Europe and wild camping, but in order to do that I want to do a few test runs in the UK. Firstly I need to start with buying a tent! Secondly my bike definitely needs upgrading. Thirdly I need to finish working and just do it! 

I've been looking at tents online, mainly double layered one man storm proof tents, but they range from cheap to super expensive and the reviews are so varied I just don't know what to buy! I would like to set it up in the garden first and spend a few nights outside to get used to the noises, bugs and general outdoor living. I would definitely pee outside but I don't think my dad would appreciate me pooping outside! 

I also think I would have to buy new wheels that are more suited to long distance cycling as opposed to racing, which is what my bike was built for. In hindsight I should have been more informed about my choices, but it's easy to work around it. I definitely need mud guards and a new seat. Unfortunately it got slightly damaged on the train and it's also very uncomfortable. I will definitely be looking at a super soft gel padded seat because I get very numb genitals and it actually causes me quite a lot of pain for a few days afterwards, which is partly why I don't enjoy cycling. 

I also need to get new handlebar wrap, I will also invest in a thick gel padded wrap because since falling off my stationery bike I suffer from pins and needles, sore hands and pains in my left arm/wrist when I go long distance. I will purchase some better gloves too. I'd love to be able to get a custom design for the wrap, I like the idea of it being white with silver stars, maybe even miniature rainbows! Make it as happy looking as possible! 

I definitely need to invest in decent lights, pannier bags, sports bottles, a new bell and probably buy a heavy duty lock, extra brake pads, tubes and co2 canisters. 

I would like to cycle along the coast of Croatia, Italy, France and Spain before going to the Canary Islands. I just need to build up my confidence with camping solo in the wild! 

I have joined a bike forum but no one has shown an interest in my request for a wild camping buddy in the UK. I did go to a sports shop and inquire about tents and the worker suggested I just try out camping in proper sites first. I think that's a great idea so I may start taking myself off during the weekends and try it because the other thing I'm concerned about is food. What the heck will I eat to sustain myself cycling and camping? 

At the moment I'm on a crazy transition that's seen me go from fruit to fat, lots of salad, nuts and seeds, but then binging on bread to steaming vegetables and then back to fruit. I'm so confused but that's another post! It is definitely best to get my experience up with camping in the UK because at least I know I can just pop into a supermarket and grab some salad and fruit. 

I'm excited but also daunted. I used to say I hate camping and I do get rather OTT about insects and bugs, so this will be interesting. 

Have you ever been wild camping? Any tips will be greatly appreciated. 

Love Jennifer xx

Thursday 20 August 2015

Working 9 to 5

Hello! 

I hope I haven't lost you dear readers. I've been preoccupied with working, adjusting to "real life" and trying to keep my YouTube channel active. 

I've had many thoughts, ideas and changes that I need to update you with. So instead of putting it all in one post I'll split it up to keep you returning ;) 

I'll start with work. 

I've been at my current place since 3rd July. It was a 4 week placement that's just continued due to the work load involved and holidays of the workers. 

Firstly, I am a finance assistant. While this enables me to pretty much always find a job, it is rather dull. Fortunately I'm allowed to listen to my own music, which I do almost daily. My preference is meditation music but recently I've been listening to chill out music (2015 dance hits slowed to a more chilled tempo) and over the last few days I've really let go with cheesy pop like Britney Spears. Of course this means I'm biting my tongue to avoid bursting out into song, but it does happen occasionally. I mainly save it for my frequent toilet trips. 

The toilet trips can be twice an hour. Mainly due to drinking so much water,  but then other times a bite of food will urge my more solid movements and I'll have to return. I often wonder if anyone notices or counts my toilet breaks. It seems the people closest to me never leave their desks! I am grateful that I no longer suffer with constipation or IBS anymore because they're worse in my opinion! 

I cycle to the train every morning and then I cycle from the train to work (I get 2 trains over to the Wirral), and reverse for home. I do this in all weathers because getting the bus just isn't viable. It's made me appreciate nature a lot more than I did, but I don't enjoy getting flies in my eyes... 

I also make sure I leave the office at lunchtime for a 30 minute walk or a trip to ASDA to pick up some food/water. Sometimes I sunbathe if it's nice enough. Although when it's raining heavy I stay at my desk and browse the Internet. 

Yesterday I actually decided to join a lot of meetup groups in Liverpool and I plan to do activities on the days where I'm not at the gym. I have been experiencing terrible compulsive eating and I need to sort it out. Being at work has highlighted the issue even more because I mainly do it out of boredom. More on this in a future post. 

I have been asked to stay on until the end of September so I will save up some money to go onto my next travelling adventure. Again more on this in a future post. 

In case I don't post again before Saturday you should come and check out Kapucia in Liverpool. They have a taster session from 11-4pm with raw food to eat. It's based in the basement of 27 Lord Street near Boodles and Debenhams. I'll probably be there at 11 so come and say hi and hang out! 

Until next time keep smiling beautiful 

Love Jennifer xx

Wednesday 1 July 2015

Clothes :: stains, environment and waste

I've been rather lazy regarding my blog, I apologise and will try to update it more regularly. I find when I'm not in a routine that I get lazy and now I start a job tomorrow I will have more structure in my life.

So in my latest video I show you just how dirty my t-shirt got whilst I was away travelling and explain why it happened.

I would wash my clothes every night by hand, with soap, but some stains just will never come out and I think that's very possible with the clothes I wore in South East Asia.

Also, I believe that the more you wear something and the more worn it becomes, the more unlikely it is to scrub up new. 

This has got me questioning everything I ever thought about clothes though. When should you throw something in the bin? When should you decide it's unwearable? We have so much waste in the World already and I really want to stop being so wasteful, but if you look at that top I would be judged in the street for being "dirty" even though this had been washed and ironed!

I have so much to contemplate regarding clothes that I could easily spend the next few weeks researching and debating these issues regarding the environment, social and economic impacts. 

What would you do?


Jennifer x



Wednesday 17 June 2015

Brighton Holiday

I went to Brighton last week with my dad and his partner Julie. I went to see my friend Fran as she was hosting a cycling meetup over the South Downs (a video will be up in a few days) and also because I have never been to Brighton before!

Wow! Brighton is gorgeous. There's so many different styles of architecture in such a small area that I felt like I was in every era in one second! 

We were so fortunate that the sun was beaming on our first day. As it was Julie's birthday I spent the day with her family walking along the promenade and to the Pier. It was gorgeous and we spent a long time walking. We stopped for lunch in an Italian restaurant (I used to love Italian food and when I saw Mark's calzone I was jealous!) but I brought fruit with me and enjoyed it very much.

Later on they had a BBQ at the beach and I took the remaining salad with me, plus some avocados I had just bought at Aldi!

I fell in love with Brighton and if you check out my footage you will see why!

Stay tuned over the next couple of days for more of my adventure in this wonderful vegan friendly city.

Much love

Jennifer x


Monday 15 June 2015

B12 issues

Hey Everyone!

I hope you've been keeping well and managing to stay up to date with my YouTube videos. Since being home I've made a lot of juices and banana ice cream. I also got a well needed B12 shot and I have been feeling much better since.

I think it makes all the difference if you have a B12 deficiency. I was feeling very tired and lazy in Thailand and as much as I think part of that was the heat, I knew that it was a B12 issue. I was going to supplement when I was away, but I didn't like the thought of injecting myself, nor did I like the story of a girl who had a horrific injection at the hospital and pills, well I never take those anyway so I waited until my return.

It is not just a vegan issue though, if you feel tired and out of energy even when eating a balanced diet (even if you think you get B12 from meat...) you should definitely be checked out for a B12 deficiency because it is a very common problem with the modern world, given how much our farming practices have changed.

Well I am not exactly an expert on B12 so I will not tell you anything scientific about it, but here are a few websites you may find useful and informative. A general Google can be beneficial too!


Make sure your health comes top of your priorities. I could do with taking my own advice here!

Enjoy the video below :)

Peace, love and hugs

Jennifer x


Wednesday 10 June 2015

First day in England

Hello everyone!

I have been settling into home life and trying to go slow so I don't end up sick like I did last year. So far so good. I've been taking it easy even though I just want to sort through my possessions and go crazy getting rid of things.

I've had more appreciation for England this year, from sitting in the garden soaking in the sun rays and feeling the cool breeze brush my skin, to admiring the wild flowers and spending time with family.

I am trying to incorporate green juices into my daily diet because I didn't have many during the last 3-4 months. I'm currently loving what I'm drinking and surprisingly I'm not really missing durian or the other tropical fruits of South East Asia (although I do still have a nam dok mai mango left to eat, which I'll be adding to a salad later!)

I hope you'll follow me on my journey in England, pretty soon I'll be getting a job, but the weather here should perk up a lot more and I want to go on some adventures with Barney.

Enjoy my first Vlog since returning. I will try my best to get them up regularly :) now I am using a PC it should be a lot easier for me to edit and upload.

Peace and love

Jennifer x


Sunday 7 June 2015

Thailand Vlog 28 :: closing chapter

I am now at home in England and I have put together the final footage from my trip in Thailand. It is the end of a chapter for me and I am feeling positive about moving on from this adventure.

I hope you've enjoyed seeing and reading about my journey and if you have not done so already I hope you can take the time to watch and/or read my posts.

Peace xo



Wednesday 3 June 2015

Thailand Blog :: Last day

I wanted to post something yesterday but now I've slept I have forgotten what it was, so I am going to go with something I'm thinking now. 

Today is my final day in Thailand. I've tried to adjust my body clock already by sleeping late and getting up late, but this has only caused more tiredness so far and my digestion/bodily functions don't feel optimal. Let's hope it's worked though because tonight I won't be sleeping till 3-4am! 

Yesterday I had a good day souvenir shopping. I don't usually buy much because at the end of the day it's usually just tack in someone else's house, but I wanted to get something seeing as I've been away for 6 months and I like shopping. I'm happy with my purchases. Perhaps I'll show you what I got when my family have received their items! 

I also visited Rasayana too. This morning I've woken up with that familiar weird breath, sight headache and stimulant hangover. I think I'd much prefer to just binge on mangoes. However, I think I'm still going to order food to take on the plane! I definitely want spring rolls and a banoffee pie. 

Spring rolls

Veggie sandwich 

Raw cacao moose tart

My plan was to buy a blender to take home, but I decided against it when I went to the shop and picked it up in the box. I'm pretty sure it was around 5kg with packaging and I am not confident that I'd be able to carry everything through Manchester airport (they have these stupid single file exit tunnels and everytime I'm there with my bike I have to push or pull it like a train and it's carriages). I also think it would take me over the 30kg limit, especially with my bike too. The last time I flew the bike box weighed roughly 25kg.

What I want to do today is to get some fruit that's still unripe to take home with me, mainly mangoes and maybe some namwa bananas. I'll definitely miss these flavours. 

I don't have any other wishes, so I may hang out in the park and catch some sun. 

It actually feels like a long time since I've been home. Sometimes I say things like "I cannot believe how quickly it's gone", but actually these 6 months have been really long! For example, it feel like such a long time ago that I was in Bali! It's almost as if it was a dream not a reality! I hope that from now on I'm present in every moment experiencing life to the full. 

I hope that you too live life in the present and are fully aware of what you have right now, because that's all that matters. 

Sunday 31 May 2015

Closing a chapter

I cannot believe how fast time went by since my last post. I got caught up in the excitement of free fruit at the festival that I forgot everything I had been doing.

Yin yoga went out the window as did meditation and in hindsight I think I could have been a better friend to the one who had taken ill and was in hospital.

Yesterday Chanthaburi was still buzzing with sugar junkies but today everyone left and it's been so quiet, but it's such a welcome relief. I really enjoyed being around people, but looking back at the last week I can honestly say I am glad to be returning home and not making the trip to Chiang Mai.

If there's one thing I've learned on my trip it's that I am very much still a loner, although I do appreciate having certain people in my life to talk to and be with. As with everything I must find balance.

I cried today because tomorrow I will leave Chanthaburi and head to Bangkok in preparation for my flight in 4 days, but I'll be leaving behind 2 amazing people who I met here last year. Mikkel and Mads have had a big impact on my life and it dawned on me that I've become attached to them, which is why I will find it difficult to say goodbye.

Out of everyone I've met on my travels, they're the most genuine, kind, caring, down to Earth, humble, grateful and intelligent people (I mean no offence to anyone else, you all are special to me, but these brothers are more so!). I enjoy being with them because they have a calming presence and I feel so comfortable in my own skin, I can be myself and I don't fear judgement from them.

However, I must break the attachment in order to grow as a spiritual being because it's the ego that has created it. I think I must grieve in order to continue moving forward. Deep down I know the work I do on myself will be worth it, but I often hesitate for fear of the unknown. I cover up my issues with obsessions, so I have never truly faced myself before.

When I return home I will close one chapter of my life and will open a new one, I hope that I can face myself and resolve the underlying issues once and for all.

Friday 22 May 2015

Progression into a spiritual being

I've been working on awareness recently and I've been reading about the truth. It talks about humans being of an animal mind and it's not the first time I've heard that, but previously I wasn't ready to let it sink in. 

I believe I'm learning what I need to know now, but there's been so many moments where I think "A-ha!" and then in the next moment I've been pulled back into the mind and forgotten all about the spirit. The book I'm reading says that will happen all the time if you're constantly surrounded by people of the (animal) mind, which is 99.99% of the population. 

It's funny that the hours, days, weeks and months of "loneliness" I've spent recently have been filled with periods of meaningless thoughts and now I'm actually seeing the truth of life when I have a big social group around me. 

I want to live in the present moment and I know from my recent experiences that it's very hard to do when around other minds, so the question is, do I go it alone and remove myself from these social situations or do I keep allowing myself to "enjoy the moment" and deal with it later? 

The whole point of knowing the truth is to accept that I must live in this moment, and I've learned that to be in this moment I must focus on being aware, and to be aware I must be alone. 

During the last two days I made a conscious decision to be aware, but as soon as I talk or interact with someone else I slip into autopilot again and I end up saying things before thinking, which has made me a hypocrite in some circumstances and I have reflected on these incidents and been shocked at my lack of awareness. 

It's really difficult to switch off the mind/ego and be fully aware 100% of the time, even 20% of the time in most situations, and I am a little bit annoyed that I'm only just discovering/implementing this information into my daily life when I'm surrounded by other people. But life works in funny ways and I really need to decide what's the most important thing in my life right now and for my true future, especially what's beyond this human existence right now. 

I think you may wonder what will happen to my blog and YouTube channel because I keep taking breaks. Well I imagine I'll be taking a permanent break soon whilst I connect to the truth. 

Perhaps I'll start sharing what I've learned. One day, after I've come to fully understand it. 

Until then I guess I'll just fill you in on what I'm doing as and when I feel inspired to do so. 

I really hope you're all well. I return to the UK on 4th June and I'm very much looking forward to plenty of hugs from my family. My dad isn't very affectionate, but he will be soon enough, I plan to get as many hugs as possible that it will become second nature! 

Peace and love
Jennifer x

Wednesday 13 May 2015

Yin Yoga

One of my goals for a while now has been to practice yoga. I remember I hated my first ever class, I just didn't get it and I was put off by it but when I tried it again with a different teacher it just clicked. 

I never really went to a class consistently for a few years after that but when I moved to Redditch I attended a Yoga Fitness class, which was intense but so enjoyable. Since then I haven't practiced yoga consistently despite trying my best to motivate myself at home. However, I now believe I have found the practice most suitable to me. 

I discovered Yin Yoga in Bali, thanks to Beverley who gave me her class allowance once she left. I can remember the session as if it were yesterday and I can tell you how much I hated it. I can still hear the teacher talk about her own experience in her first class to which she too hated. I laugh about it now. 

Why do most people hate it on their first try? Well Yin Yoga is about holding a pose for 5 or more minutes. It can be pretty intense, especially if you're not particularly flexible. In my first session I wanted to cry, scream, shout and walk out. Mentally I wasn't prepared, physically I wasn't able! But now I actually love it! I feel amazing and I've been doing it everyday for almost 1 week. 

I finally feel like this is the way I'll increase my flexibility, bring awareness to my life and connect to my body. I am a very impatient person, but I really think practicing Yin Yoga will help with this too. I'm also lazy and like to lay around, so this is perfect because often the poses require me to lay down for 5 minutes at a time! The added benefit is that I'll improve my flexibility as a result. Bonus! 

I'm normally rushing around thinking I need to do things fast so it's finally nice to find the balance and practice Yin Yoga to go slow, relax and take the time to improve an area of my body. 

This morning I found a lesson on YouTube and I want to share it with you. 

Enjoy and let me know if you do it, or if you've ever taken a Yin Yoga class before. 


Tuesday 5 May 2015

Food fantasies

Day 3 of the fast and I have been thinking about food all day. It seems the only time I don't think about food is when I'm asleep, so I try to sleep as often as my body allows. 

When I do sleep I get these huge energy expansions in my stomach and head and it feels almost euphoric. That's the major benefit of doing this right now. 

So I have been trying to be aware by focusing on my breathing, but that only brings my attention to my empty stomach and then I start thinking about food again. I hoped to get a lot of spiritual things from this, but I think I'm just too afraid of facing my inner self because it's a real struggle to be still. I'm constantly distracting myself. 

For instance, I've made so many lists of foods that I want to eat after fasting in Thailand and I've also made lists of foods I want to eat when I return to the UK. 

I'm also very surprised that I've not eaten the dates I've been eyeing up in my room, but the only reason I don't eat them is because they don't actually taste that good! The only other food I have here are spring onions, which of course would never be a good food to eat alone! 

I am definitely not going to fast again anytime soon. 

I am grateful for having the courage to keep going and I appreciate having the abundance of time everyday. 

Monday 4 May 2015

Another water fast

So I'm doing another water fast and it's been my worst experience so far. 

Firstly, I have been using a technique of drinking coconut milk to get into ketosis. I've experimented with this method around 5 times now and the last 3 times has been with prepackaged coconut milk (rather cream) from the supermarket. 

When I was at home I'd make my own coconut milk by blending a mature coconut and lots of water. Here in Thailand they extract the pure milk from the coconut meat only, which is why I call it cream. I dilute what I buy here but it's still so sickly. 

After I drank it I felt so ill and after a few hours of gagging and feeling horrible I decided to make myself vomit. Now let me tell you quickly that this practice is very rare for me and I have only ever done it in the past when I've felt so ill that the choice to suffer all night would be more painful than to purge. Especially when alcohol was involved. 

So my fast started off terribly, although after I slept it off I felt aright and my throat had healed quickly from the burning! Today was the second day and I felt alright for the majority of the day, but I did sleep for most of the morning. The afternoon was horrible because every thought I had was about food. 

I started fantasising about the food I'd eat to break the fast. I ended up consuming some coconut oil to see if it would put an end to the thoughts. Nope. 

I started reading some fasting forums and reminded myself of why I'm doing this and the benefits I'll get out of it, but somehow I still cannot shake the thoughts of food. 

People say the 3rd or 4th days are the hardest but for me I can't get through 3 full days. Well I haven't really had a full day if you count the milk and oil! It's just a constant battle in my head. 

I rely on food for comfort and right now I need comfort and support so it's a real struggle for me. It's like a smoker trying to quit cigarettes or an alcoholic giving up alcohol. Food is my drug and I just want rehabilitation. To know that food is there but I no longer have to abuse it to be "normal".

I'm in a better environment now than I have previously been, so I don't know why I'm still struggling as much. The most important lesson I've learned recently is not to beat myself up over this. Although most of the time I feel like I could do better. 

I'm grateful for life and I appreciate the position I am in to be able to take these opportunities to develop. 

Sunday 26 April 2015

Thailand Blog :: return to "normal"

So I did the watermelon cleanse for 3 whole days, I am so proud of myself because I was so tempted to rip open a potentially unripe jackfruit or walk to the big C when my neighbour started playing guitar and wailing like a strangled cat after 9pm, just after I tucked myself into bed. I was tempted to go knocking but I didn't. He stopped at 10.30pm. However, if he does it again tonight I will tell him because I'm up early to catch the minibus to Cambodia and back to get my second 60 days stamp. 

I went out early to find the visa run buses and was unsuccessful, so I cycled to the wholesale market on the highway. It's just over 7km from my accommodation and it didn't take long to get there. 

I went to every stand asking for "Monthong nim nim", which I think means really ripe. Most of them said no and the ones who had them wanted 100baht or 80baht per kilo. I returned to one of the first stalls where I actually got a 2.5kg Monthong for 80baht! However, it lacked a real flavour. It was OK, but compared to the one I had 4 days ago it was bland. 

I don't know what made me buy more from that seller though! But I did and the second Monthong I got was also lacking flavour. I just hope the Chanee I bought it better. 

Then after I went there I was on a hunt for US dollars. After sitting in numerous banks (one bank I waited 30 minutes!) I couldn't find any that had money so I have to spend  little more on the Cambodian visa because I'm paying in baht. Nevermind. 

I cycled around most of the day, which means my tan on my arms, legs and face will be even better, but my white bits will still be white... I better start staying in the sun for longer when I'm naked sunbathing on my balcony. 

I also kept wondering why my lips hurt. It's because they're burnt! So on with the coconut oil, except I love to lick it off my lips! 

I bought pineapple at a different market and now my tongue is burnt too, so I'm feeling a little battered and worn out from my hectic day. I will be happy to turn off the lights and sleep. 

I am grateful for my bicycle and the ability to use it. I appreciate rest and relaxation. 

Saturday 25 April 2015

Day 3 Watermelon Cleanse

I woke up early this morning, 5.30am! This is the first time in a while that I've woken up before the sunrise, mainly because I've had trouble sleeping so my body is out of sync with nature. I went down to the laundry machine and put my clothes in. I had tried the previous day to do washing but someone was using the machine and I decided it would be easier if I just do it first thing when the rest of civilisation is asleep! 

I opened a watermelon last night and still had over half left, so I ate that this morning. I'm not too happy about the quality of watermelon to be honest with you. The main reason I did this cleanse is because I had some awesome torpedo shaped melons and they were so sweet and delicious, but when i got to the market they only had big round ones. Nevermind. 

I've been having stomach ache again today so it must be the quality. At times I've thought I was eating floor cleaner because it has a slight soapy flavour. I'm definitely looking forward to eating something else, but I still have 7kg worth of watermelon to eat! It's a good job they don't go off quickly. They can sit there for a few days unless I really want to eat them. 

I've been going through You Can Heal Your Life again and working with the exercises in depth. I say affirmations first and last thing in the day and throughout the day I'll forgive myself or others. It's going really well. One of the affirmations is about money and a job. The other day I received an email for my recruitment agency saying they have a job and then today my friend sent an email telling me his company are looking for someone in Bangkok! Amazing that it's working immediately. I am hopeful for the future. 

I also started reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and it is mind blowing already! I've been doing exercises from this book too regarding awareness of the ego. I will conquer the ego one day and I feel it will be sooner than I think! 

All in all today has been positive despite staying in for most of the day. It rained a lot, but it stopped by 5pm so I went to the park to walk and use my new found awareness. I stood watching birds flying and gliding against the lake and then I admired some dragon flies and flowers. Amazing. 

I am so grateful that I have been given two amazing books to read and that they're having such a great impact on my life. I appreciate nature and all that is created by our one mother and father. 

Friday 24 April 2015

Day 2 Watermelon Cleanse

Well I disregarded everything I said yesterday, I stuffed myself once again despite not being hungry and I even had severe pain because of it. Will I ever learn?

I ate 2.5 watermelons totalling 7kg approximately.

I have experienced my kundalini energy flowing throughout my body since I went to bed last night. It's been wonderful, mainly staying in my stomach area but occasionally going up to my head and filling me with peace, calm and tranquility. Best day ever for that.


Thursday 23 April 2015

Day 1 Watermelon Cleanse

I had a terribly late night because I did not feel tired at all. In fact recently my sleeping patterns have been so erratic and it's possibly because I've been resting a lot during the day. 

I woke up after 8am and I drank 1.5 litres of water mixed with lime. I took myself off to the park for a brisk walk and I used some of the exercise machines. I figured I should be more active because I've been very lazy for nearly a month now. 

When I returned home it was after 10am and I wasn't hungry at all. So I waited another hour and still wasn't hungry. Strange. Perhaps it was the durian and then 100g of soaked cashews that I ate for dinner?! I started to think perhaps I wasn't ever going to get hungry so I just ate half a watermelon. 

It was probably the worst thing to do. I kept telling myself I should really wait for my body to tell me to eat but recently I've been eating for lack of something better to do (even though I could be doing so much!). Then I experienced severe stomach pain. I waited about 30 minutes before I ate the second half. Again I should have listened to my body. 

I waited around 3 hours before I started a second watermelon. I wasn't even hungry this time either but I ate it. 

I finished reading the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and it was so insightful. I have used food throughout my life as comfort and I recognise it, but I still have trouble implementing a way to stop that affecting me now. However, after saying that I did decide that I would surrender my power to God whenever I got the urge to eat (but didn't actually need to eat) and I totally dismissed everything I had discussed with myself in the park!

Tomorrow is a new day and I will try harder.