Progression into a spiritual being

I've been working on awareness recently and I've been reading about the truth. It talks about humans being of an animal mind and it's not the first time I've heard that, but previously I wasn't ready to let it sink in. 

I believe I'm learning what I need to know now, but there's been so many moments where I think "A-ha!" and then in the next moment I've been pulled back into the mind and forgotten all about the spirit. The book I'm reading says that will happen all the time if you're constantly surrounded by people of the (animal) mind, which is 99.99% of the population. 

It's funny that the hours, days, weeks and months of "loneliness" I've spent recently have been filled with periods of meaningless thoughts and now I'm actually seeing the truth of life when I have a big social group around me. 

I want to live in the present moment and I know from my recent experiences that it's very hard to do when around other minds, so the question is, do I go it alone and remove myself from these social situations or do I keep allowing myself to "enjoy the moment" and deal with it later? 

The whole point of knowing the truth is to accept that I must live in this moment, and I've learned that to be in this moment I must focus on being aware, and to be aware I must be alone. 

During the last two days I made a conscious decision to be aware, but as soon as I talk or interact with someone else I slip into autopilot again and I end up saying things before thinking, which has made me a hypocrite in some circumstances and I have reflected on these incidents and been shocked at my lack of awareness. 

It's really difficult to switch off the mind/ego and be fully aware 100% of the time, even 20% of the time in most situations, and I am a little bit annoyed that I'm only just discovering/implementing this information into my daily life when I'm surrounded by other people. But life works in funny ways and I really need to decide what's the most important thing in my life right now and for my true future, especially what's beyond this human existence right now. 

I think you may wonder what will happen to my blog and YouTube channel because I keep taking breaks. Well I imagine I'll be taking a permanent break soon whilst I connect to the truth. 

Perhaps I'll start sharing what I've learned. One day, after I've come to fully understand it. 

Until then I guess I'll just fill you in on what I'm doing as and when I feel inspired to do so. 

I really hope you're all well. I return to the UK on 4th June and I'm very much looking forward to plenty of hugs from my family. My dad isn't very affectionate, but he will be soon enough, I plan to get as many hugs as possible that it will become second nature! 

Peace and love

Jennifer x

Fantasies

I've been living in a bubble recently, allowing my imagination to run wild with possible scenarios for what could happen to me in the immediate future. Whilst this can bring up joyful and pleasant thoughts, it's just not very productive. 

I've spent most of my life living in a fantasy land, probably because I've been too afraid of facing up to my reality and living in the present moment. I can see that what I've been doing recently is avoiding the issues I have right now. 

Whilst it's nice to have warm fuzzy thoughts about a member of the opposite sex, it's counter productive due to my choice to be celibate and to be alone to find out who I am as a spirit. I've allowed the ego to rule for so long that now I am awakening it would be a shame to let it continue to rule my decisions. 

Tonight I had this realisation as my school girl crush ate meat and drank beer. I have vowed to be vegan sexual, meaning I will not have a relationship with anyone who isn't vegan and on top of that I give my body to God. In this day and age finding someone of the opposite sex who fits in with my goals is almost impossible. 

Most people tell me I'll meet someone and fall in love, but after 12 years of loving numerous men (conditionally) and then being told by that one special guy that we're not compatible I think it's better if I stop spending time thinking about it and use the time in other productive ways. 

I'm not looking for external love. I still need to love myself entirely. Sure it's nice to be close to people, to hold, caress and kiss, but I'm getting to that point where it doesn't matter anymore. As long as I meet people who can touch my soul then I know I'm progressing. 

To break the fast or not to break the fast?

This question has been circulating in my head all day, mainly because I went to a few supermarkets to look for nuts and avocados to see how much they cost and (regarding nuts) how much fat vs carbs they contain.

I read this article about fasting for lent as whilst some people give up one food item, I am giving up food altogether for my fast. I'm not actually fasting for lent though, but it is for spiritual purposes.

I keep debating when I will break my fast. So it's only been 2 days, which is 1 day longer than my previous water fasts! I feel fine, I know I don't need to eat any food, my energy is level but it's the ego that won't silence. The ego causes many of my poor choices and I believe that I am facing the challenge of proving my strength in order to shake it off. (Yes the ego is part of me, but it's not my spirit and I am trying to channel into my spirit) 

I want to defeat the ego, put it in its place once and for all. I prayed to God and the answer is that I know in my heart what I need to do. My heart tells me to keep fasting. I just need to get over the thoughts I have about food and stop being attached to them. 

I honestly believe by what I've read recently and just an internal knowledge that we can live without food. So my actions now are to detach myself from the desires of Man and develop a stronger power within myself. 

I have definitely come from an eating disorder background, which is over eating. I have only calorie restricted for one or two periods in my life (mainly when money was tight and I was so focused on being thin), but this experience now is not coming from a desire to be skinny, it is coming from a want to be more connected to God, to my spirit and to the world around me. 

Recently I have demonstrated my greed and my inability to control myself, eating way too much durian plus eating till I'm beyond full and get pains (but eating through the pain). It's definitely unhealthy. I keep thinking about this one quote from the book I mentioned by Hilton Hotema

Electrons do not eat, atoms do not eat, molecules do not eat, cells do not eat, and the body does not eat.

Then why does man eat?

Page 18 Man's Higher Consciousness 

There is also mention of food actually causing us to die younger than we should. There are people recorded to live past 300 years old! I believe that we could live a long time, but with current living conditions, pollution and the like perhaps we cannot in this day and age unless we go to live in those places unaffected by man's destruction. 

Personally the best part of fasting is no defecation. It's wonderful not having to pass faeces. Sure I pee a lot because I'm drinking water, but passing stools is one of the major downsides to eating in general. 

So on that note I will leave you to ponder what I wrote! 

Fasting and breatharianism

Today I embarked on a water fast after an experiment I started yesterday. I felt a little tired this morning, but that was because I was up all night peeing from my bum from the previous day. I am glad to report that it stopped around 12pm.

I have been drinking water all day with no food cravings. I even walked past the market and had no desire to eat fruit or veg. I have a stash of persimmons that are super ripe and juicy that I would demolish in seconds on a normal day, but the only reason I want to eat them is to avoid waste, but that's easily solved by giving them to my fellow hostel stayers. However, I'm still keeping them just in case... 

I don't think I really talk about everything I do on here or YouTube regarding my spiritual journey, but today I want to mention my intentions. I believe in God (that I have mentioned a few times) but not so much a strict religion. I believe we were created as breatharians and so I want to eventually become a breatharian and what I'm doing today will strengthen my body in preparation for this event. 

I'm currently in a state of ketosis, which was confirmed by a urine test I had earlier today. Many people don't know what this is, or if they've heard of it they have been told some very negative information. People actually eat a low carb high fat diet to achieve the ketosis state and I've been reading about it and watching YouTube videos and I believe this is the way to go in order to really get back to our roots as breatharians. 

I admit that I am following the advice of someone else, but I trust this person entirely with my life and so far they've not failed me. 

My personal issues have been letting go of the attachment to food and my travels to Bali and Sabah have helped me break that. I have made myself ill from eating, even on a raw vegan diet, which greatly backs up my thoughts about breatharianism. Add to that a great book Man's Higher Consciousness by Hilton Hotema and everything makes sense to me that breatharianism is the way forward (or backwards if you look at how we've devolved!) 

I'm not looking for a debate, concern, encouragement or any opinions, I am simply letting you know where I stand right now. It pretty much contradicts my life over the last 2 years being a high carb low fat raw vegan, but this discovery came at the right time. God never gives us more than we can handle and I am ready for this. 

I am not offering encouragement either, I am not telling you to ditch your current lifestyle and follow suit, I believe a raw vegan lifestyle is an important step in preparation for cleaning the body, but there's a lot more than meets the eye. If you're interested in trying what I'm doing there are many steps to be taken beforehand. It has taken me 12 months to reach this stage.

Right now I feel good without food and I have not set a date for breaking the fast. Time will tell. For now I will enjoy this experience. 

Borneo Blog :: know thyself

Since meeting Des I have been getting back on track with my spiritual journey. I've been questioning life, who I am, why, where, how, when, etc. I started reading the book Beverley sent me about Astral Projection and I have regained my focus. 

I think it's so important to question everything, especially your entire being. Why we are programmed, easily influenced, easily distracted and easily controlled by our senses and the world around us. I'm really starting to see that self knowledge is probably the most important practice we can do as individuals in order to fully understand everything else.

I have been more aware recently, of my surroundings, thoughts, reactions and actions. I often wonder "why did I just do/say that?" Then I contemplate and I'm hoping that these things I question won't happen again, or if I go to do something I'll be stopped beforehand. I find that the more I do this the easier it becomes but I am still a creature of habit and I make mistakes easily, so practicing self forgiveness is also something I'm working on too. 

One thing I've failed to address recently is my lack of energy, or general feeling of tiredness. I started taking b12 shots but in the last 6 months I should have had 2 shots and I haven't had any. I'm not sure if my lack in energy is from the lack of b12 shot or if there's something else. Generally the b12 didn't noticeably increase my energy so that's why I stopped. When I first went raw I was running on adrenaline so that's what I am comparing my levels to. Perhaps how I feel is normal. 

The reason I mention this is because part of the book I've been reading about astral projection states that in order to project it's important to be able to concentrate, clear the mind and focus all of your energy on leaving the physical body. The problem I'm having is that when I meditate I fall asleep. I guess partly because I meditate horizontally! I have had so many experiences of energy flowing through my chakras, but I cannot say I've ever had an out of body experience and usually I pass out before I can will it to happen. 

Let me just clear this up though, I sleep from 9pm till 6am give or take and I don't sleep during the day. I think that if I were more active my body would feel more awake. The fact that I'm sedentary for the majority of the day doesn't help. The raw food lifestyle changed my life and I do not ever plan to give it up. I admit I've been very lazy recently, so now I need to get back to a routine and see if my energy levels pick up. 

Part of my problem has been poor use of my time. I hope to incorporate more exercise and meditation into my routine as well as writing! The more creative I become the more I seem to open up to myself, like I unlock another door that reveals more of who I am. 

I hope that I keep this focus and discover a lot more.