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Sunday 26 April 2015

Thailand Blog :: return to "normal"

So I did the watermelon cleanse for 3 whole days, I am so proud of myself because I was so tempted to rip open a potentially unripe jackfruit or walk to the big C when my neighbour started playing guitar and wailing like a strangled cat after 9pm, just after I tucked myself into bed. I was tempted to go knocking but I didn't. He stopped at 10.30pm. However, if he does it again tonight I will tell him because I'm up early to catch the minibus to Cambodia and back to get my second 60 days stamp. 

I went out early to find the visa run buses and was unsuccessful, so I cycled to the wholesale market on the highway. It's just over 7km from my accommodation and it didn't take long to get there. 

I went to every stand asking for "Monthong nim nim", which I think means really ripe. Most of them said no and the ones who had them wanted 100baht or 80baht per kilo. I returned to one of the first stalls where I actually got a 2.5kg Monthong for 80baht! However, it lacked a real flavour. It was OK, but compared to the one I had 4 days ago it was bland. 

I don't know what made me buy more from that seller though! But I did and the second Monthong I got was also lacking flavour. I just hope the Chanee I bought it better. 

Then after I went there I was on a hunt for US dollars. After sitting in numerous banks (one bank I waited 30 minutes!) I couldn't find any that had money so I have to spend  little more on the Cambodian visa because I'm paying in baht. Nevermind. 

I cycled around most of the day, which means my tan on my arms, legs and face will be even better, but my white bits will still be white... I better start staying in the sun for longer when I'm naked sunbathing on my balcony. 

I also kept wondering why my lips hurt. It's because they're burnt! So on with the coconut oil, except I love to lick it off my lips! 

I bought pineapple at a different market and now my tongue is burnt too, so I'm feeling a little battered and worn out from my hectic day. I will be happy to turn off the lights and sleep. 

I am grateful for my bicycle and the ability to use it. I appreciate rest and relaxation. 

Saturday 25 April 2015

Day 3 Watermelon Cleanse

I woke up early this morning, 5.30am! This is the first time in a while that I've woken up before the sunrise, mainly because I've had trouble sleeping so my body is out of sync with nature. I went down to the laundry machine and put my clothes in. I had tried the previous day to do washing but someone was using the machine and I decided it would be easier if I just do it first thing when the rest of civilisation is asleep! 

I opened a watermelon last night and still had over half left, so I ate that this morning. I'm not too happy about the quality of watermelon to be honest with you. The main reason I did this cleanse is because I had some awesome torpedo shaped melons and they were so sweet and delicious, but when i got to the market they only had big round ones. Nevermind. 

I've been having stomach ache again today so it must be the quality. At times I've thought I was eating floor cleaner because it has a slight soapy flavour. I'm definitely looking forward to eating something else, but I still have 7kg worth of watermelon to eat! It's a good job they don't go off quickly. They can sit there for a few days unless I really want to eat them. 

I've been going through You Can Heal Your Life again and working with the exercises in depth. I say affirmations first and last thing in the day and throughout the day I'll forgive myself or others. It's going really well. One of the affirmations is about money and a job. The other day I received an email for my recruitment agency saying they have a job and then today my friend sent an email telling me his company are looking for someone in Bangkok! Amazing that it's working immediately. I am hopeful for the future. 

I also started reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and it is mind blowing already! I've been doing exercises from this book too regarding awareness of the ego. I will conquer the ego one day and I feel it will be sooner than I think! 

All in all today has been positive despite staying in for most of the day. It rained a lot, but it stopped by 5pm so I went to the park to walk and use my new found awareness. I stood watching birds flying and gliding against the lake and then I admired some dragon flies and flowers. Amazing. 

I am so grateful that I have been given two amazing books to read and that they're having such a great impact on my life. I appreciate nature and all that is created by our one mother and father. 

Friday 24 April 2015

Day 2 Watermelon Cleanse

Well I disregarded everything I said yesterday, I stuffed myself once again despite not being hungry and I even had severe pain because of it. Will I ever learn?

I ate 2.5 watermelons totalling 7kg approximately.

I have experienced my kundalini energy flowing throughout my body since I went to bed last night. It's been wonderful, mainly staying in my stomach area but occasionally going up to my head and filling me with peace, calm and tranquility. Best day ever for that.


Thursday 23 April 2015

Day 1 Watermelon Cleanse

I had a terribly late night because I did not feel tired at all. In fact recently my sleeping patterns have been so erratic and it's possibly because I've been resting a lot during the day. 

I woke up after 8am and I drank 1.5 litres of water mixed with lime. I took myself off to the park for a brisk walk and I used some of the exercise machines. I figured I should be more active because I've been very lazy for nearly a month now. 

When I returned home it was after 10am and I wasn't hungry at all. So I waited another hour and still wasn't hungry. Strange. Perhaps it was the durian and then 100g of soaked cashews that I ate for dinner?! I started to think perhaps I wasn't ever going to get hungry so I just ate half a watermelon. 

It was probably the worst thing to do. I kept telling myself I should really wait for my body to tell me to eat but recently I've been eating for lack of something better to do (even though I could be doing so much!). Then I experienced severe stomach pain. I waited about 30 minutes before I ate the second half. Again I should have listened to my body. 

I waited around 3 hours before I started a second watermelon. I wasn't even hungry this time either but I ate it. 

I finished reading the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and it was so insightful. I have used food throughout my life as comfort and I recognise it, but I still have trouble implementing a way to stop that affecting me now. However, after saying that I did decide that I would surrender my power to God whenever I got the urge to eat (but didn't actually need to eat) and I totally dismissed everything I had discussed with myself in the park!

Tomorrow is a new day and I will try harder. 


Wednesday 22 April 2015

Watermelon heaven

I decided after eating around 6kg watermelon this morning and feeling clean that I would do 3 days of just watermelon. Of course today I had mangoes and durian as well but from tomorrow I'll be on just watermelon. 

What I hope to get from this is a cleaner, lighter feeling in my digestive system. I'm hoping it flushes out any food that's been in there for a few days and encourages toxins to leave my body. 

I hope that I will become more aware and conscious about my eating habits. Recently I just shove it in until it hurts (I am talking about food!). I also want to try to move more, so I will exercise before I eat even if it's just a stroll around the park. 

I want to be able to recognise when I'm full, so I hope to be aware of the signals in my body. Lately I've ignored them. 

Finally I want to try to assess my relationship with food and see where I'm having issues. 

So I guess I'll let you know how I get on over the next 3 days! I love watermelon and the seeds are also very tasty :D


Sunday 19 April 2015

Thailand Blog :: transport

In my opinion the worst type of transport is bus/coach. The seats aren't comfortable and are not ideal designed. Perhaps it's my poor posture though. They lack decent arm rests and so I always end up with pain on one side because I'm twisting one way or the other. 

Sometimes I feel a little nauseous and dizzy from all of the swaying, bumps and stop starting on the roads but I think the worst is when the air con gets to me and gives me a headache and dry eyes. 

Some places in Thailand require a bus to get to, so there's no other option, especially with a bicycle to transport too. But I guess it's worth a few hours of discomfort when the destination is filled with durian... 

I much prefer the trains to the buses here and of course the planes take a much shorter time, but the environmental factors are important to note. If I had the money I'd probably hire a car and explore Thailand that way, then I can go wherever I want whenever I want and do whatever I want. This is especially good when spotting durian stands on the road, or national parks, waterfalls, etc. But again the environmental issues are to be taken into consideration. 

Perhaps in the future I'll look into luxury buses with reclining seats and pay that bit extra for comfort. 

I am grateful that I have access to so many transportation options. I appreciate that I can go anywhere. 

Saturday 18 April 2015

Summer migration

I have been thinking about home since the start of my latest fast. It seemed to just pop up and I allowed it to flow. Normally I try to shake it off because I'm so adamant that I don't want to return home, but I've had a shift in my head and I am open to the idea of returning to the UK. 

On Wednesday night I was thinking about my home town Liverpool, how I'd like to return and work in the city, perhaps join a community of vegans or I could work temporarily in accounts to earn the most money. Then I thought about Manchester, a city that I love so much. I've also thought about London and the Isle of Wight. 

There's so much that I have not seen in the UK and I seem to have been given a new love for exploring my own country. Perhaps I'm being called home or my intuition is nudging me to go. 

I no longer have thoughts like "I hate England" or "I'll never go home". I really do think something has shifted within me but I guess only time will tell! I'd love to reconnect with my friends and family, but I'm not saying I will remain in the UK permanently. In fact my thoughts are to be there for a few months and repeat last year, go to the magical island that is La Palma in November and then Bali followed by Australia. English winters can be hard and I think it's important to go where the sun is. 

I also keep fantasising about using hair straighteners on my hair. I really like my crazy curls but sometimes I would like to be vain for a day or two and dress up to impress myself, feel ladylike in my dresses and heels and perhaps turn a few heads along the way. Of course I don't need it to feel like a goddess, but I like the idea of not wearing a t-shirt and shorts for a while! 

I am grateful that I can be free and the universe will provide the opportunities for me. I appreciate that my family support my decisions and are always willing to help me achieve my dreams. 

Friday 17 April 2015

Thailand Blog :: bananas

Fasting in Bangkok has proved difficult, mainly because I do it at the worst times (volunteering at a hostel) and due to the fact that if I go out there's fruit and juices everywhere! I'm always tempted and I allow it to play on my mind so much that it affects my dreams. 

For example, Wednesday night I dreamt about bananas. Seriously, my dream was about bananas. I was eating the small lady finger bananas that are so sweet. I'm pretty sure I had more than one dream about bananas. I haven't even eaten bananas for perhaps 2 weeks! So I went out yesterday morning and bought some of Thailand's special apple bananas, organic and sweet. So sweet in fact I think I'm eating sugar! 

I think bananas are a superb fruit even though people say it's hybrid this and that. I love to try new varieties but my favourites are red, lady fingers and apple (or ice cream) bananas. I want to start eating more bananas again throughout the week. 

I am so grateful that I've been able to try these varieties in their home country. To taste sweet, ripe bananas fresh from the tree. I appreciate nature and all that she provides. 

Thursday 16 April 2015

Thailand Blog :: my own room

It just occurred to me as I'm on the bus heading to Chanthaburi that I've forgotten what it's like to have my own room. I was fretting about spending 280 baht per night on a room, but now I'm thinking about it that's cheap considering I paid 250 to stay in a dorm!

I have been living in dorms for at least 8 weeks now, sure some nights I had a room to myself but the majority of my time has been spent with other people. 

Do you know why I'm excited? Well firstly, I can walk around naked! Sometimes I don't want to wear clothes but it can be difficult sharing a room with others. When I stayed in a girls dorm I wasn't afraid of getting naked to change my clothes, but I have to be more conscious when I stay in a mixed dorm. Secondly, I can dance, sing, play ukulele, meditate, lay in bed, do whatever the heck I want without the need to be considerate for anyone in the room. Sure I'll think about my neighbours but man I have felt somewhat restricted living in dorms. 

I'm really looking forward to being alone now. I think part of the reason why I have been up and down, here and there and slightly confused is because I haven't had that serious alone time with myself. Fair enough I'm travelling solo and do everything alone but it's not the same as being alone with no one to talk to. I'm looking forward to not having to speak! This may be the perfect time for me to retreat for a few days and avoid civilisation. 

I think it is so important to be comfortable with being alone but similarly it's important to be able to socialise and not lose that feeling I get when being alone. Often I'm thrown off balance and find that I lose everything I've worked for when being alone. It's very difficult to stay centred and I believe that is the issue I need to overcome in order to integrate back into a standard society. Especially when having such different views and opinions regarding the thing we all have in common, food. 

I'm so grateful that I have this opportunity to travel and grow as an individual. I appreciate having the time, energy and love to do this. May I be blessed forever more by God for my life. 

Monday 13 April 2015

10 Coconuts a day


Move over 30 bananas a day, I have something better! I had 10 coconuts yesterday, liquid and meat and I was quite satiated all day. In fact when I woke up this morning I didn't feel the urge to eat and that's good because today I drank coconut milk, which is leading me into a water fast. 

I never realised how satisfying 10 coconuts could be. The water in my opinion tastes incredible, I would rather drink that than water! The meat, especially when it's slightly thick and very white, is very tasty too and I love eating it. 

I'm in the perfect location for getting coconuts and I am so happy I finally had a coconut day. Recently I've come to realise just how important and amazing coconuts are. I use coconut oil, which is perfect for oil pulling, moisturising, conditioning the hair and eating! So far the only thing I use the liquid for is to drink, but I've read that using the liquid on your face is a great way to moisturise too. 

I plan on doing a 7 day water fast starting tomorrow and this time I'll take it slow. I am hoping my body is able to clean itself and remove some toxins that remain in my fat cells. As long as I remind myself of the reasons and benefits for fasting then I can remain on track and hopefully carry on beyond my set time. 

Saturday 11 April 2015

Living in the moment

I've been trying to live in the moment every day but I get distracted by my thoughts. However, when I am aware of the present moment it feels wonderful. I begin to hear the birds more clearly and I see objects that would normally blend into the distance. 

For example, the other day I was walking and I suddenly thought about being in that moment. I immediately saw a skyscraper with palm trees on the roof! How strange! I've only ever seen plants, vines or small bushes but not palm trees. It was an amazing sight and one I won't forget. 

It's funny to try to describe what it feels like but my eyes seem to get sharper and more in focus. I notice the very small details that most people overlook and most of the time I end up stopping and admiring these things whilst the world continues to go by at a fast pace. 

The beauty of travelling is the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want, so when I become aware I try to cherish each moment. 

I have been lost within myself recently and with my latest "aha" moment I can feel myself awakening again, ready to move onto the next phase. This time I'm going to take it slow and really try to focus on every moment. 

I appreciate life. I am grateful for my journey and I am happy to be able to learn and grow from my experiences. 

Thursday 9 April 2015

Thailand Vlog :: mango mania

Wowowowowow that's how I feel about mangoes right now. 

Last year I was so unfortunate because I couldn't enjoy the mangoes, I would eat one and have diarrhea straight away. So I don't know if that means my body has adapted (which is a bad thing) or last year I had a reaction because of other issues I was having. 

I'm not going to sit and analyse it because I'm too busy enjoying the Nam Doc Mai mangoes that are in abundance here in Bangkok. I've been getting them from 20-25 baht per kilo and I've been eating them for every meal. 

Today I wanted to do an entire day on mangoes only, but after I taught I really got the taste for a salad so I went to gourmet market and got one. 

I missed eating mangoes when I left La Palma and then when I got to Bali it took me a few weeks to acquire a taste for them because they tasted like perfume. Then in Borneo they were so expensive that I never even bothered to buy them. So now I'm in Thailand in the mango season I want to make the most of them. 

However, making the most and binging are different things. But as people stated on Facebook it's not as if I'm stuffing candy bars or McDonald's down my throat! However, I still need to work on my relationship with food. I'm the one with the power, after all it's me who picks it up and puts it in my mouth. 

So tomorrow I will start and end the day with mangoes. Bliss. 

Wednesday 8 April 2015

Thailand Vlog :: volunteering

Today I took a one to one private English class with Mint, she came last night and I felt like I did a terrible job but I think that's the perfectionist in me. I believe that I'm really developing my listening skills when I teach and from remembering what Mint likes to do I was able to plan a lesson around her interests. 

So today's lesson was designed around her passion for fashion and the possibility for job applications. Yesterday she told me how much she would love to be a fashion designer, but her mum doesn't allow it so instead she works as cabin crew for a new airline. However, Thailand have received a bad report from Japan, China and a few other countries so they no longer have flights. Mint said that she would like to work for Qatar or a similar airline so I thought it would be good to practice being able to talk about her strengths and weaknesses. 

The lesson started by me showing her some pictures of women and asking her to describe their clothes and appearance. I corrected her mistakes and then I asked her to repeat the same exercise using new images. Each time there were improvements and at the end of the lesson I had her repeat it one more time. I feel confident that she understood, but I will find out tomorrow by repeating the same exercise. 

Regarding the attributes exercise I wasn't entirely confident with it because let's face it job applications are generally hard work anyway, but I guess it was useful to practice speaking in full sentences. 

I find 2 hour lessons are exhausting, especially one on one as there's no one else to break it up. However, today was good because we did something different, the first day we just talked for 2 hours! I'm thinking about taking her to the mall tomorrow so we can people watch and look in the shops so she can practice the descriptive sentences again. 

I'm also thinking that she could describe something to me, perhaps an item of clothing or an ensemble and I will draw it (but my drawing skills aren't exactly perfect Haha!). I hope I get to continue teaching her. 

All in all I'm enjoying this more than when I was at the school. I find that I am better communicating with young adults than with children. They say that life mirrors you so I need to contemplate why I don't like being around young children... Some would say it's because I am a child. Hmm.. 

Tuesday 7 April 2015

What I've been eating recently

Well you may be shocked to hear my news. I broke my raw streak and this is how it started. 

For days I had been thinking that I was ready to do a juice cleanse and then try fasting again. So I had the mentality one day that if I'm doing a juice cleanse then I can eat whatever I want. That whatever I want turned into a bag of roasted and salted groundnuts (peanuts in the shell), a carton of soy milk, a warm chocolate cookie and ice cream plus fresh bread from a vegan bakery. 




How I loved every minute of it (apart from when I felt so bloated). The vegan bakery was awesome and their menu is beautiful! The bread tasted so sweet. But the only problem with my decision was the fact that I'd not eaten grains in over 1 year and my body didn't know what hit it. 

I did the juice cleanse for 2 days using store bought pasteurised juice and when I was supposed to shit for Thailand the only thing that came out of me were some hard stools. Surprisingly they didn't smell bad. 

I made the decision to visit Rasayana with my friend and I had a looser bowel movement, but since then I have only been having hard stools again because I have been on cooked juices again for 2 days. I wanted to experiment with using cooked juices and what I noticed was that my skin has gone even softer, but the whites in my eyes have gone yellow. I wasn't sure if that was down to the poor sleep, but then I've been feeling pains below my stomach so I am thinking that the cooked juices are no good at all and my body is telling me so! 

Yesterday I craved avocado so much and salad so I went and bought them. I think my body craved real food with real nutrients because the juices were just not providing the minerals and vitamins my body is used to. 

What I've learnt from this experience is that cooked juices are not ideal for me, I'm still not ready to give up food and I just want to eat the fruit that's in season, which is mangoes! So I actually filled up my basket and bag with mangoes yesterday (8kg in total) and I shall be eating them when they ripen. 

Monday 6 April 2015

Thailand Blog :: relaxing, new hostel, English club

Well hello there. Hopefully I've not lost my readers because my posting has been inconsistent. I have also abandoned my YouTube channel too.

So I left the alternative school, returned to Bangkok on the train, cancelled my second voluntary position because it was difficult to get to (and I felt like I needed a rest from being with so many children), chilled out for 1 week and now I'm in another hostel in Bangkok helping Thai students improve their English speaking skills. 

First impressions of the hostel were "I want to go back to De Talak!" 

Here's why. The building is residential, once upon a time it may have been a wealthy families 5 storey home, which then may have been developed into flats and it has since been converted into a hostel. The rooms are packed with bunk beds. There are shower curtains hung around the beds to create walls in order to keep privacy when people from other rooms come in to use the bathroom. There is an unusable kitchen that smells terribly damp, the fridge was padlocked (but I think it was cleaned out today) and the lockers are actually really old built in wardrobes and cupboards. 

I feel like I moved from a mid to high range modern hostel to an 80's shabby chic home. The bathroom actually has a bath (which looks like it's older than me) but it smells like those awful lemon toilet balls. The first bed I slept in was just terrible. The mattress is softer than any I've ever slept on (in Thailand the beds are normally rock hard so it was a shock to my body!) and it didn't fit the frame so technically I could have fallen down onto my bunk buddy as well as onto the floor. I tried to keep still and as I was conscious of this I didn't sleep well, plus the noise downstairs was very loud too. 

My second night was a bit better but I have been having to listen to music in order to get to sleep. The first night I listened to smooth jazz, very sexy saxophone music and last night I fell asleep listening to Iggy Azalea! 

Today I moved beds so I am right underneath the air conditioning unit. The previous two nights I was so hot so I made the decision to be blasted with cold air. Let's see how it turns out tonight! 

I was actually dreading the teaching part because of my inexperience but I actually really enjoyed it. The first class I did was not prepared very well. Learning from yesterday's mistakes I put some effort into planning today but I had planned for a group of 9 but in the end they were split up and I only got 3! So my tasks were completed quickly and the last 30 minutes was terrible! 

I feel confident about staying here for 2 weeks now. My initial judgements are turning around and I'm finding things quirky rather than awful. I said to myself not to make judgements and after I accepted that statement I started to see the beauty and not the negativity. 

Tomorrow I may tell you about my recent eating habits... 

Thursday 2 April 2015

Using time effectively

I had the realisation today about how I want to spend my time and I figured I'd let you all know in case it inspires you to think and do a similar thing. 

As it dawned on me how ridiculous my travel goals are/were, basically travelling for food, I came to the conclusion that if I remove food from the equation I'm left with an incredible amount of time. For a raw vegan, food essentially becomes the be all and end all of life. In a nut shell we're conditioned to think we need to have x amount of calories and so we're forever chasing those calories and making sure we have enough supply to keep us going because despite the times when we ate a standard diet and skipped a meal now and then, as a raw vegan we might die of starvation (exaggeration!). 

Not only does it take up time eating food, we must calculate the time spent travelling for food, preparing it and planning our every meal. 

So, when I have all of that time back I'm left wondering what I can do. When you suddenly have an incredible amount of time it can become overwhelming and if you've previously eaten through boredom then it is very tempting to reach for something to eat once again. But this time I've prepared a list of activities I have enjoyed doing throughout my life and always wished for the extra time to perfect them. 

1. Photography. I love photographing flowers, architecture, vintage cars, art and design. I'm sure if I spent more time perfecting this skill I could take better photographs and perhaps sell them in the future. 

2. Playing the ukulele. This is a new skill I'm developing and I bought a book with 127 songs to learn. I'm sure that will take up a lot of time but with having more time to play I will be busking on the streets in no time! 

3. Dancing. A passion of mine since an early age but never fully dedicating my time to it. Now I can learn every style of dance that I want to without worrying about "carbing up". 

4. Yoga. This has been an on and off interest of mine for a few years but time, practice and patience always get in the way. Now I will have no excuse. I'm thinking that a yoga retreat might be a good start. 

5. Meditation. I'm in Thailand and I have been contemplating doing a 10 day silent meditation retreat. I have no excuses. If I don't need to eat then my diet no longer causes an issue. I want to learn from the so called masters and this is my opportunity to do so. 

6. Learn languages. Travelling is amazing, but sometimes I would love to speak the language of the country I'm travelling it. Sure English is widely spoken, but I think it takes great intelligence to master a language. I should at least try to learn 1 other language. 

7. Reading. There's no excuses for this one either. I struggle to read educational texts but there's no reason why I cannot spare 1 hour a day for a book. Plus libraries are open worldwide so my excuse for wanting to hold a physical book is not valid. I can just go to a library! 

8. Singing. I loved being a member of the Redditch Operatic Society a few years ago and learning the songs for Tarantara Tarantara, it would be great to be part of a society like that again and putting on a big show after weeks of hard work. 

9. Running/jogging. I would love to perfect this activity and increase my distance in the right setting. 

10. Creating my own art. I learned how to draw a few years ago (after studying Architecture at university and not knowing how to draw properly!) and I haven't used this knowledge since. I used to fantasise about travelling in Italy with a car and sketching the coastal views and scenery along the way.

11. Sewing. I love fabrics and I love clothes. I sold my sewing machine to come travelling but with a little effort I can buy a better one and continue my passion for (my weird) fashion! 

As you can see I have a lot of ways to fill my time. I just need to be proactive, stop dwelling and making excuses and just do it! There's so much to be discovered that the possibilities really are endless.