Closing a chapter

I cannot believe how fast time went by since my last post. I got caught up in the excitement of free fruit at the festival that I forgot everything I had been doing.

Yin yoga went out the window as did meditation and in hindsight I think I could have been a better friend to the one who had taken ill and was in hospital.

Yesterday Chanthaburi was still buzzing with sugar junkies but today everyone left and it's been so quiet, but it's such a welcome relief. I really enjoyed being around people, but looking back at the last week I can honestly say I am glad to be returning home and not making the trip to Chiang Mai.

If there's one thing I've learned on my trip it's that I am very much still a loner, although I do appreciate having certain people in my life to talk to and be with. As with everything I must find balance.

I cried today because tomorrow I will leave Chanthaburi and head to Bangkok in preparation for my flight in 4 days, but I'll be leaving behind 2 amazing people who I met here last year. Mikkel and Mads have had a big impact on my life and it dawned on me that I've become attached to them, which is why I will find it difficult to say goodbye.

Out of everyone I've met on my travels, they're the most genuine, kind, caring, down to Earth, humble, grateful and intelligent people (I mean no offence to anyone else, you all are special to me, but these brothers are more so!). I enjoy being with them because they have a calming presence and I feel so comfortable in my own skin, I can be myself and I don't fear judgement from them.

However, I must break the attachment in order to grow as a spiritual being because it's the ego that has created it. I think I must grieve in order to continue moving forward. Deep down I know the work I do on myself will be worth it, but I often hesitate for fear of the unknown. I cover up my issues with obsessions, so I have never truly faced myself before.

When I return home I will close one chapter of my life and will open a new one, I hope that I can face myself and resolve the underlying issues once and for all.

Living in the moment

I've been trying to live in the moment every day but I get distracted by my thoughts. However, when I am aware of the present moment it feels wonderful. I begin to hear the birds more clearly and I see objects that would normally blend into the distance. 

For example, the other day I was walking and I suddenly thought about being in that moment. I immediately saw a skyscraper with palm trees on the roof! How strange! I've only ever seen plants, vines or small bushes but not palm trees. It was an amazing sight and one I won't forget. 

It's funny to try to describe what it feels like but my eyes seem to get sharper and more in focus. I notice the very small details that most people overlook and most of the time I end up stopping and admiring these things whilst the world continues to go by at a fast pace. 

The beauty of travelling is the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want, so when I become aware I try to cherish each moment. 

I have been lost within myself recently and with my latest "aha" moment I can feel myself awakening again, ready to move onto the next phase. This time I'm going to take it slow and really try to focus on every moment. 

I appreciate life. I am grateful for my journey and I am happy to be able to learn and grow from my experiences. 

Think Thursday - Mirrors

What I am becoming aware of is that I am faced with a mirror everyday. Everybody is faced with a mirror everyday. The mirror is there as a reflection to show us what we need to learn about ourselves.

I've lived in denial for a very long time. So long that it is habit and I've allowed myself to do it because I didn't learn any different, but the important thing to note is I did it, no one else, me.

I believe in these mirrors and what they show me. However, I was blind to it until recently, but it's good that I am now aware and I can see these mirrors (most of the time - I'm still learning). I can analyse past situations, relationships, behaviours, etc with a new understanding and I can use this information to help in the present. I admit it's a very slow process right now and I still get it wrong.

It's important to be open to self development, willing to learn and as I'm finding out best to be honest with yourself, as is letting go.

Here is a video I watched recently about mirrors. It's long but in depth and worth a watch. May this help you on your journey to your awakening.

Jennifer x