Living in the moment

I've been trying to live in the moment every day but I get distracted by my thoughts. However, when I am aware of the present moment it feels wonderful. I begin to hear the birds more clearly and I see objects that would normally blend into the distance. 

For example, the other day I was walking and I suddenly thought about being in that moment. I immediately saw a skyscraper with palm trees on the roof! How strange! I've only ever seen plants, vines or small bushes but not palm trees. It was an amazing sight and one I won't forget. 

It's funny to try to describe what it feels like but my eyes seem to get sharper and more in focus. I notice the very small details that most people overlook and most of the time I end up stopping and admiring these things whilst the world continues to go by at a fast pace. 

The beauty of travelling is the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want, so when I become aware I try to cherish each moment. 

I have been lost within myself recently and with my latest "aha" moment I can feel myself awakening again, ready to move onto the next phase. This time I'm going to take it slow and really try to focus on every moment. 

I appreciate life. I am grateful for my journey and I am happy to be able to learn and grow from my experiences. 

Life lessons

I learn something new everyday, whether that be a new word in a different language or I become aware of certain things I do that I had never noticed before. Life is full of lessons and I have had a few this week. 

The first lesson I have learned is that I have been excluding myself from so many social situations that it has partly fuelled those lonely times when I just needed a friend. The reason is because of my lifestyle. 

80/10/10 aka raw veganism has changed my life incredibly in the 2 years I've known about it. I changed my diet, changed my beauty routine, changed my goals, job, even friends and this is great, BUT I have also excluded friends and family from my life and missed out on events that I would normally love to attend. I have avoided situations because I thought that these people were no longer relevant in my life because they don't eat the same as me. 

What a fool! 

I don't have anyone to blame but myself. How can I follow a so called compassionate lifestyle trying to bring balance and harmony to myself through what I eat and what I practice, yet I cut myself off from the majority of the world?! Sure I need to love myself first before I can love anyone else, but I also need to love EVERYONE and not just the minority that follow my lifestyle. And let's face it, the raw food movement is full of anger, bitterness, backstabbing, jealousy, greed and hypocrisy right now so we're not "better" than anyone else. 

Love man no matter what, for most of them are still sleeping and do not know any better. One day we will no longer be animals, we will realise our potential as spiritual beings. 

The second lesson I have learned is regarding food. I am a binge eater. I am a thoughtless eater and I am greedy. It's not really a new lesson though because I've always known this, it's just recently I have become increasingly aware of what I am doing. It's as if I am deliberately trying to make myself sick and I think subconsciously I am, so that I can learn how to break my food addiction and realise that it is absolutely ridiculous to plan everything in my life around food. And yes, you can be addicted to all foods, not just cooked ones, which I broke the addiction for last year! 

This is a third lesson. I am living for food. My travels are solely planned around food and the raw food lifestyle has encouraged these bad habits. I've listened to people who say "you need to get in the calories", "carb up", "fat makes you fat", etc. Again I only have myself to blame. I eat until I am stuffed, I eat when I think I should (because of school, jobs, etc we have to eat when we're given the free time) and I eat when I desire it, not when I am hungry. Eg say I eat a fruit meal of melon and I see durian but I'm not hungry, I'll still eat the durian. 

As I cycled to yet another fruit market I questioned my sanity. Why am I cycling around Bangkok for fruit? Why am I not submerging myself in local culture or history? I haven't seen one gallery, museum or performance in Bangkok. Last year I visited 2 temples and the rest of the time was spent shopping in the malls or hunting down fruit. 

I have spent so much money in Rasayana, it's not even funny. I have used so much time eating when I'm not necessarily hungry and where does it all go?! Down the toilet. Essentially I'm flushing money away down the toilet! 

I don't believe we need to eat as much as we are told to, especially on a raw food diet, the fact that were eating nature's candy is enough for our bodies, but the more we eat the more stress we put on ourselves. Of course my aim isn't to be an athlete, but I don't want to live my life for food. Food is medicine after all. Let's use it wisely. 

To wrap this up I want to thank one particular person from my hostel. Matthew was so open, friendly, welcoming and kind to me (and everyone else) when I met him, despite our differences in lifestyle choices he's showed me there's more to life than what we eat. I have enjoyed listening to his background (and boy what a life he's had!) and have had a good laugh. It doesn't matter what you eat, it's about what you do with your life and how you interact with people. Sure watching someone eat a dead animal has its downside, but it's no fun to constantly exclude yourself because of it. At least that's what I've discovered recently. 

We may think differently about food, but life experiences are of greater value. Plus you never know who you will influence :) 

Borneo Blog :: know thyself

Since meeting Des I have been getting back on track with my spiritual journey. I've been questioning life, who I am, why, where, how, when, etc. I started reading the book Beverley sent me about Astral Projection and I have regained my focus. 

I think it's so important to question everything, especially your entire being. Why we are programmed, easily influenced, easily distracted and easily controlled by our senses and the world around us. I'm really starting to see that self knowledge is probably the most important practice we can do as individuals in order to fully understand everything else.

I have been more aware recently, of my surroundings, thoughts, reactions and actions. I often wonder "why did I just do/say that?" Then I contemplate and I'm hoping that these things I question won't happen again, or if I go to do something I'll be stopped beforehand. I find that the more I do this the easier it becomes but I am still a creature of habit and I make mistakes easily, so practicing self forgiveness is also something I'm working on too. 

One thing I've failed to address recently is my lack of energy, or general feeling of tiredness. I started taking b12 shots but in the last 6 months I should have had 2 shots and I haven't had any. I'm not sure if my lack in energy is from the lack of b12 shot or if there's something else. Generally the b12 didn't noticeably increase my energy so that's why I stopped. When I first went raw I was running on adrenaline so that's what I am comparing my levels to. Perhaps how I feel is normal. 

The reason I mention this is because part of the book I've been reading about astral projection states that in order to project it's important to be able to concentrate, clear the mind and focus all of your energy on leaving the physical body. The problem I'm having is that when I meditate I fall asleep. I guess partly because I meditate horizontally! I have had so many experiences of energy flowing through my chakras, but I cannot say I've ever had an out of body experience and usually I pass out before I can will it to happen. 

Let me just clear this up though, I sleep from 9pm till 6am give or take and I don't sleep during the day. I think that if I were more active my body would feel more awake. The fact that I'm sedentary for the majority of the day doesn't help. The raw food lifestyle changed my life and I do not ever plan to give it up. I admit I've been very lazy recently, so now I need to get back to a routine and see if my energy levels pick up. 

Part of my problem has been poor use of my time. I hope to incorporate more exercise and meditation into my routine as well as writing! The more creative I become the more I seem to open up to myself, like I unlock another door that reveals more of who I am. 

I hope that I keep this focus and discover a lot more.