Thailand Blog :: Last day

I wanted to post something yesterday but now I've slept I have forgotten what it was, so I am going to go with something I'm thinking now. 

Today is my final day in Thailand. I've tried to adjust my body clock already by sleeping late and getting up late, but this has only caused more tiredness so far and my digestion/bodily functions don't feel optimal. Let's hope it's worked though because tonight I won't be sleeping till 3-4am! 

Yesterday I had a good day souvenir shopping. I don't usually buy much because at the end of the day it's usually just tack in someone else's house, but I wanted to get something seeing as I've been away for 6 months and I like shopping. I'm happy with my purchases. Perhaps I'll show you what I got when my family have received their items! 

I also visited Rasayana too. This morning I've woken up with that familiar weird breath, sight headache and stimulant hangover. I think I'd much prefer to just binge on mangoes. However, I think I'm still going to order food to take on the plane! I definitely want spring rolls and a banoffee pie. 

Spring rolls

Veggie sandwich 

Raw cacao moose tart

My plan was to buy a blender to take home, but I decided against it when I went to the shop and picked it up in the box. I'm pretty sure it was around 5kg with packaging and I am not confident that I'd be able to carry everything through Manchester airport (they have these stupid single file exit tunnels and everytime I'm there with my bike I have to push or pull it like a train and it's carriages). I also think it would take me over the 30kg limit, especially with my bike too. The last time I flew the bike box weighed roughly 25kg.

What I want to do today is to get some fruit that's still unripe to take home with me, mainly mangoes and maybe some namwa bananas. I'll definitely miss these flavours. 

I don't have any other wishes, so I may hang out in the park and catch some sun. 

It actually feels like a long time since I've been home. Sometimes I say things like "I cannot believe how quickly it's gone", but actually these 6 months have been really long! For example, it feel like such a long time ago that I was in Bali! It's almost as if it was a dream not a reality! I hope that from now on I'm present in every moment experiencing life to the full. 

I hope that you too live life in the present and are fully aware of what you have right now, because that's all that matters. 

Closing a chapter

I cannot believe how fast time went by since my last post. I got caught up in the excitement of free fruit at the festival that I forgot everything I had been doing.

Yin yoga went out the window as did meditation and in hindsight I think I could have been a better friend to the one who had taken ill and was in hospital.

Yesterday Chanthaburi was still buzzing with sugar junkies but today everyone left and it's been so quiet, but it's such a welcome relief. I really enjoyed being around people, but looking back at the last week I can honestly say I am glad to be returning home and not making the trip to Chiang Mai.

If there's one thing I've learned on my trip it's that I am very much still a loner, although I do appreciate having certain people in my life to talk to and be with. As with everything I must find balance.

I cried today because tomorrow I will leave Chanthaburi and head to Bangkok in preparation for my flight in 4 days, but I'll be leaving behind 2 amazing people who I met here last year. Mikkel and Mads have had a big impact on my life and it dawned on me that I've become attached to them, which is why I will find it difficult to say goodbye.

Out of everyone I've met on my travels, they're the most genuine, kind, caring, down to Earth, humble, grateful and intelligent people (I mean no offence to anyone else, you all are special to me, but these brothers are more so!). I enjoy being with them because they have a calming presence and I feel so comfortable in my own skin, I can be myself and I don't fear judgement from them.

However, I must break the attachment in order to grow as a spiritual being because it's the ego that has created it. I think I must grieve in order to continue moving forward. Deep down I know the work I do on myself will be worth it, but I often hesitate for fear of the unknown. I cover up my issues with obsessions, so I have never truly faced myself before.

When I return home I will close one chapter of my life and will open a new one, I hope that I can face myself and resolve the underlying issues once and for all.

Thailand Blog :: return to "normal"

So I did the watermelon cleanse for 3 whole days, I am so proud of myself because I was so tempted to rip open a potentially unripe jackfruit or walk to the big C when my neighbour started playing guitar and wailing like a strangled cat after 9pm, just after I tucked myself into bed. I was tempted to go knocking but I didn't. He stopped at 10.30pm. However, if he does it again tonight I will tell him because I'm up early to catch the minibus to Cambodia and back to get my second 60 days stamp. 

I went out early to find the visa run buses and was unsuccessful, so I cycled to the wholesale market on the highway. It's just over 7km from my accommodation and it didn't take long to get there. 

I went to every stand asking for "Monthong nim nim", which I think means really ripe. Most of them said no and the ones who had them wanted 100baht or 80baht per kilo. I returned to one of the first stalls where I actually got a 2.5kg Monthong for 80baht! However, it lacked a real flavour. It was OK, but compared to the one I had 4 days ago it was bland. 

I don't know what made me buy more from that seller though! But I did and the second Monthong I got was also lacking flavour. I just hope the Chanee I bought it better. 

Then after I went there I was on a hunt for US dollars. After sitting in numerous banks (one bank I waited 30 minutes!) I couldn't find any that had money so I have to spend  little more on the Cambodian visa because I'm paying in baht. Nevermind. 

I cycled around most of the day, which means my tan on my arms, legs and face will be even better, but my white bits will still be white... I better start staying in the sun for longer when I'm naked sunbathing on my balcony. 

I also kept wondering why my lips hurt. It's because they're burnt! So on with the coconut oil, except I love to lick it off my lips! 

I bought pineapple at a different market and now my tongue is burnt too, so I'm feeling a little battered and worn out from my hectic day. I will be happy to turn off the lights and sleep. 

I am grateful for my bicycle and the ability to use it. I appreciate rest and relaxation. 

Day 1 Watermelon Cleanse

I had a terribly late night because I did not feel tired at all. In fact recently my sleeping patterns have been so erratic and it's possibly because I've been resting a lot during the day. 

I woke up after 8am and I drank 1.5 litres of water mixed with lime. I took myself off to the park for a brisk walk and I used some of the exercise machines. I figured I should be more active because I've been very lazy for nearly a month now. 

When I returned home it was after 10am and I wasn't hungry at all. So I waited another hour and still wasn't hungry. Strange. Perhaps it was the durian and then 100g of soaked cashews that I ate for dinner?! I started to think perhaps I wasn't ever going to get hungry so I just ate half a watermelon. 

It was probably the worst thing to do. I kept telling myself I should really wait for my body to tell me to eat but recently I've been eating for lack of something better to do (even though I could be doing so much!). Then I experienced severe stomach pain. I waited about 30 minutes before I ate the second half. Again I should have listened to my body. 

I waited around 3 hours before I started a second watermelon. I wasn't even hungry this time either but I ate it. 

I finished reading the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and it was so insightful. I have used food throughout my life as comfort and I recognise it, but I still have trouble implementing a way to stop that affecting me now. However, after saying that I did decide that I would surrender my power to God whenever I got the urge to eat (but didn't actually need to eat) and I totally dismissed everything I had discussed with myself in the park!

Tomorrow is a new day and I will try harder. 

Thailand Blog :: transport

In my opinion the worst type of transport is bus/coach. The seats aren't comfortable and are not ideal designed. Perhaps it's my poor posture though. They lack decent arm rests and so I always end up with pain on one side because I'm twisting one way or the other. 

Sometimes I feel a little nauseous and dizzy from all of the swaying, bumps and stop starting on the roads but I think the worst is when the air con gets to me and gives me a headache and dry eyes. 

Some places in Thailand require a bus to get to, so there's no other option, especially with a bicycle to transport too. But I guess it's worth a few hours of discomfort when the destination is filled with durian... 

I much prefer the trains to the buses here and of course the planes take a much shorter time, but the environmental factors are important to note. If I had the money I'd probably hire a car and explore Thailand that way, then I can go wherever I want whenever I want and do whatever I want. This is especially good when spotting durian stands on the road, or national parks, waterfalls, etc. But again the environmental issues are to be taken into consideration. 

Perhaps in the future I'll look into luxury buses with reclining seats and pay that bit extra for comfort. 

I am grateful that I have access to so many transportation options. I appreciate that I can go anywhere. 

Thailand Blog :: bananas

Fasting in Bangkok has proved difficult, mainly because I do it at the worst times (volunteering at a hostel) and due to the fact that if I go out there's fruit and juices everywhere! I'm always tempted and I allow it to play on my mind so much that it affects my dreams. 

For example, Wednesday night I dreamt about bananas. Seriously, my dream was about bananas. I was eating the small lady finger bananas that are so sweet. I'm pretty sure I had more than one dream about bananas. I haven't even eaten bananas for perhaps 2 weeks! So I went out yesterday morning and bought some of Thailand's special apple bananas, organic and sweet. So sweet in fact I think I'm eating sugar! 

I think bananas are a superb fruit even though people say it's hybrid this and that. I love to try new varieties but my favourites are red, lady fingers and apple (or ice cream) bananas. I want to start eating more bananas again throughout the week. 

I am so grateful that I've been able to try these varieties in their home country. To taste sweet, ripe bananas fresh from the tree. I appreciate nature and all that she provides. 

Thailand Blog :: my own room

It just occurred to me as I'm on the bus heading to Chanthaburi that I've forgotten what it's like to have my own room. I was fretting about spending 280 baht per night on a room, but now I'm thinking about it that's cheap considering I paid 250 to stay in a dorm!

I have been living in dorms for at least 8 weeks now, sure some nights I had a room to myself but the majority of my time has been spent with other people. 

Do you know why I'm excited? Well firstly, I can walk around naked! Sometimes I don't want to wear clothes but it can be difficult sharing a room with others. When I stayed in a girls dorm I wasn't afraid of getting naked to change my clothes, but I have to be more conscious when I stay in a mixed dorm. Secondly, I can dance, sing, play ukulele, meditate, lay in bed, do whatever the heck I want without the need to be considerate for anyone in the room. Sure I'll think about my neighbours but man I have felt somewhat restricted living in dorms. 

I'm really looking forward to being alone now. I think part of the reason why I have been up and down, here and there and slightly confused is because I haven't had that serious alone time with myself. Fair enough I'm travelling solo and do everything alone but it's not the same as being alone with no one to talk to. I'm looking forward to not having to speak! This may be the perfect time for me to retreat for a few days and avoid civilisation. 

I think it is so important to be comfortable with being alone but similarly it's important to be able to socialise and not lose that feeling I get when being alone. Often I'm thrown off balance and find that I lose everything I've worked for when being alone. It's very difficult to stay centred and I believe that is the issue I need to overcome in order to integrate back into a standard society. Especially when having such different views and opinions regarding the thing we all have in common, food. 

I'm so grateful that I have this opportunity to travel and grow as an individual. I appreciate having the time, energy and love to do this. May I be blessed forever more by God for my life. 

Thailand Vlog :: mango mania

Wowowowowow that's how I feel about mangoes right now. 

Last year I was so unfortunate because I couldn't enjoy the mangoes, I would eat one and have diarrhea straight away. So I don't know if that means my body has adapted (which is a bad thing) or last year I had a reaction because of other issues I was having. 

I'm not going to sit and analyse it because I'm too busy enjoying the Nam Doc Mai mangoes that are in abundance here in Bangkok. I've been getting them from 20-25 baht per kilo and I've been eating them for every meal. 

Today I wanted to do an entire day on mangoes only, but after I taught I really got the taste for a salad so I went to gourmet market and got one. 

I missed eating mangoes when I left La Palma and then when I got to Bali it took me a few weeks to acquire a taste for them because they tasted like perfume. Then in Borneo they were so expensive that I never even bothered to buy them. So now I'm in Thailand in the mango season I want to make the most of them. 

However, making the most and binging are different things. But as people stated on Facebook it's not as if I'm stuffing candy bars or McDonald's down my throat! However, I still need to work on my relationship with food. I'm the one with the power, after all it's me who picks it up and puts it in my mouth. 

So tomorrow I will start and end the day with mangoes. Bliss. 

Thailand Vlog :: volunteering

Today I took a one to one private English class with Mint, she came last night and I felt like I did a terrible job but I think that's the perfectionist in me. I believe that I'm really developing my listening skills when I teach and from remembering what Mint likes to do I was able to plan a lesson around her interests. 

So today's lesson was designed around her passion for fashion and the possibility for job applications. Yesterday she told me how much she would love to be a fashion designer, but her mum doesn't allow it so instead she works as cabin crew for a new airline. However, Thailand have received a bad report from Japan, China and a few other countries so they no longer have flights. Mint said that she would like to work for Qatar or a similar airline so I thought it would be good to practice being able to talk about her strengths and weaknesses. 

The lesson started by me showing her some pictures of women and asking her to describe their clothes and appearance. I corrected her mistakes and then I asked her to repeat the same exercise using new images. Each time there were improvements and at the end of the lesson I had her repeat it one more time. I feel confident that she understood, but I will find out tomorrow by repeating the same exercise. 

Regarding the attributes exercise I wasn't entirely confident with it because let's face it job applications are generally hard work anyway, but I guess it was useful to practice speaking in full sentences. 

I find 2 hour lessons are exhausting, especially one on one as there's no one else to break it up. However, today was good because we did something different, the first day we just talked for 2 hours! I'm thinking about taking her to the mall tomorrow so we can people watch and look in the shops so she can practice the descriptive sentences again. 

I'm also thinking that she could describe something to me, perhaps an item of clothing or an ensemble and I will draw it (but my drawing skills aren't exactly perfect Haha!). I hope I get to continue teaching her. 

All in all I'm enjoying this more than when I was at the school. I find that I am better communicating with young adults than with children. They say that life mirrors you so I need to contemplate why I don't like being around young children... Some would say it's because I am a child. Hmm.. 

Thailand Blog :: relaxing, new hostel, English club

Well hello there. Hopefully I've not lost my readers because my posting has been inconsistent. I have also abandoned my YouTube channel too.

So I left the alternative school, returned to Bangkok on the train, cancelled my second voluntary position because it was difficult to get to (and I felt like I needed a rest from being with so many children), chilled out for 1 week and now I'm in another hostel in Bangkok helping Thai students improve their English speaking skills. 

First impressions of the hostel were "I want to go back to De Talak!" 

Here's why. The building is residential, once upon a time it may have been a wealthy families 5 storey home, which then may have been developed into flats and it has since been converted into a hostel. The rooms are packed with bunk beds. There are shower curtains hung around the beds to create walls in order to keep privacy when people from other rooms come in to use the bathroom. There is an unusable kitchen that smells terribly damp, the fridge was padlocked (but I think it was cleaned out today) and the lockers are actually really old built in wardrobes and cupboards. 

I feel like I moved from a mid to high range modern hostel to an 80's shabby chic home. The bathroom actually has a bath (which looks like it's older than me) but it smells like those awful lemon toilet balls. The first bed I slept in was just terrible. The mattress is softer than any I've ever slept on (in Thailand the beds are normally rock hard so it was a shock to my body!) and it didn't fit the frame so technically I could have fallen down onto my bunk buddy as well as onto the floor. I tried to keep still and as I was conscious of this I didn't sleep well, plus the noise downstairs was very loud too. 

My second night was a bit better but I have been having to listen to music in order to get to sleep. The first night I listened to smooth jazz, very sexy saxophone music and last night I fell asleep listening to Iggy Azalea! 

Today I moved beds so I am right underneath the air conditioning unit. The previous two nights I was so hot so I made the decision to be blasted with cold air. Let's see how it turns out tonight! 

I was actually dreading the teaching part because of my inexperience but I actually really enjoyed it. The first class I did was not prepared very well. Learning from yesterday's mistakes I put some effort into planning today but I had planned for a group of 9 but in the end they were split up and I only got 3! So my tasks were completed quickly and the last 30 minutes was terrible! 

I feel confident about staying here for 2 weeks now. My initial judgements are turning around and I'm finding things quirky rather than awful. I said to myself not to make judgements and after I accepted that statement I started to see the beauty and not the negativity. 

Tomorrow I may tell you about my recent eating habits... 

Thailand Blog :: weekend round off

Right, I've been slacking. I'm going to try to sum up my last few days in a paragraph each and no more.

Friday was an early finish at the school. Some kids stayed over on Thursday night (and I watched Charlie and the chocolate factory with them -  the Johnny Depp version. Wow is he fit when he plays odd characters!) I didn't really do much either. The kids played "Olympics" and I was the score keeper! After lunch I got on the bike and rode to Bang Saen with ukulele in tow. I found a park (with no grass) and cycled up the promenade where there was so much seafood and surprisingly durian! I bought an avocado for 75baht at Tops Market and cycled home.

Saturday I debated cycling to Pattaya. It took about 2 hours before I finally decided I was going so I got on the bike around 10.30am. Pattaya is 37km from where I'm staying and there's just one road, Sukhumvit highway 3. It took just over 2 hours and I was so happy when I saw Rasayana. So easy to find. I got 3 courses, veggie sandwich, nut loaf and strawberry mouse pie, which was frozen! Then I cycled to Central Festival Mall, bought mosquito spray, nuts and watched some guys dance in the arcade area. Then I cycled to find The Sanctuary of Truth, but the price said 500baht and with the sun falling I decided I'd go. I was almost hit once on the way home, I started crying shortly after and I stopped at the market before finally settling back at home. 

Today I had pins and needles and numbness in my hand, the one I fell onto when I fell over with the bike. I ended up cycling to the 2 temples though and buying coconuts. Then I went to the market and have pretty much eaten all day long. I just watched the documentary called McLibel and now I'm in bed listening to Nelly Furtado and sending pics of my silly faces to someone! 

The first mangoes were harvested from the farm yesterday so I'm going to be stuffing my face before I go! Yum. 

Off to bed and ready for another day of school tomorrow. Goodnight! 

Thailand Blog :: school

It was my 4th day at the school and it went slightly better. My job today was to look after the art room and instruct the children to make a toy. They were grouped in age range so that it's easier for us to help. 

The ideas that the kids came up with started off terribly from the first group. I asked one girl what toys she played with and she said none. These children come from wealthy families, but I guess they aren't spoilt like us westerners. I asked about dolls, doll houses, building blocks, cars, etc. Her response was she played with her cousin and they didn't have toys. Hmm... I was stumped. 

I expected at least one child to suggest making a computer device (because they love playing on the laptop) but not one person suggested it. In England there would be a class of 20 and only 5 people would suggest something other than a tablet/ipad/phone. It goes to show how different our countries are... 

I got the most enthusiasm from my final group, which made the last hour go by so quick. Only 1 person wanted to make a weapon, which was also surprising. Boys normally want to play with guns or swords! 

I have to say that these kids are so cute though. Asian children have an extra cuteness factor, even if English isn't their first language and I struggle to understand them. It's the big brown eyes, dark hair and skin. I just sit a laugh sometimes. But no matter what skin, race or religion, all children are the same. Innocent, strange and random :P

I'm going to stay until the 28th and then I will go on to another voluntary experience. 

Thailand Blog :: first day volunteering

Wow... There are no other words for now.

My first day was a huge shock to my system, I had forgotten what it's like to work with children. They're so energetic, full of life and very noisy!

I woke up at 6pm and got back into my routine of stretching with some yoga moves, tomorrow I'll do more because I had so much free time in the morning. My plan was to eat when I'm hungry, but it's impossible when you follow a schedule and it's one of the topics covered in the book Man's Higher Consciousness that I recommended a few weeks ago. We force ourselves to eat due to jobs (some people may not be fortunate enough to eat as and when they desire, so they must eat when they can or "starve"). 

So I ended up helping cut up fruit this morning, which was fine. I was requested to carve love hearts into the watermelon pieces, which was quite fun, but when one of the boys was failing to peel the rock hard green mangoes I took over his job. I don't know why Thai people love to eat unripe mango... It's just sour and too crunchy. 

After that class started and it was mayhem. They're currently running a summer school program and normal outside children are enrolled so there's more children than normal and they're not all up to the same level with English. I struggled with one girl who was either severely shy or didn't know any English. She just looked at me blankly and I had no idea how to speak with her. 

My task was to supervise the juggling ball making, which is using balloons and rice by the way. You funnel some rice into a bottle, blow up a balloon and place it over the bottle before tipping the rice inside, then you chop off part of the balloon and the same on a flat balloon and wrap it over, repeat with a 3rd balloon. It was not relaxing at all... I'm a perfectionist and I get stressed surrounded by mess (OK so my bedroom is a different story) so I was frantically trying to help and keep the place tidy! 

I had a very good time with one little girl who is partially sighted, it looks like she has cataracts, but she had the most life singing and jumping around. She liked to come to me and have me pull faces. I enjoyed that a lot. I love pulling faces, in fact I would do it all the time with my reflection at university. I was my own friend haha

Part of me was thinking I'm not cut out for this and I will leave on Friday, but then part of my wants to keep going because that little girl made my day and I want to see how the children progress. I will decide by Wednesday though. 

The major downside are mainly the heat, showers, mosquitos and flies. I was spoilt in Bangkok with air conditioning and the shower was awesome too. I did have to out up with mosquitos in my hostel though and flies too but no where near as bad as this. Someone said we attract these things because of the level of our vibration, but I think that's total BS because I've been high, low and in between and it never differs, they always seem to want to be on me like they're on dog shit. 

That's the main highlights of my day. Right now I'm just chilling in front of a fan. Earlier the ice cream I had hardly cooled me down. I just have to get used to my sweat beard and sticky skin. 

Peace 

Thailand Blog :: staying put

Today has been interesting. I checked out just before 11am still undecided about where to go and what to do. I had thought about visiting Ayutthaya but my heart just wasn't fully in it so I decided to join workaway and apply for numerous placements. 

As I waited for replies I had some errands to run. First I needed cash, then I cycled to Pro Bike opposite Lumphini Park (I cycled around it once) and after getting back I convinced myself I'd have one last trip to Rasayana (of which could have paid for 3 more visits to the fruit buffet...). 

I checked my emails again and had 2 responses. So far I've replied back to one that I'm interested in. It's not far from Bangkok, I'm pretty sure it's a durian growing region so I should be present for when they start coming into season and it's working in a small village that's quiet. I love quiet times where I can be alone with my thoughts. 

So I've just checked in again and I have a new room (I've been in 4 rooms now). This one has the best view, I see skyscrapers and the view at night is incredible. It reminds me of being up on the Baiyoke Sky Hotel observation deck. 

As much as I love the city, I also love the peace and quiet. I miss seeing a clear sky of stars (as in La Palma) and breathing in fresh air. I hope I can go tomorrow, but it gives me the opportunity to get to Chatuchak Market to buy an ukulele so I can play it during the evenings. Perhaps I can learn some kids songs so they can sing along during class :) 

Thailand Blog :: Rasayana

Ahh I'm sat on my top bunk bed (seriously I believe that I am too old for this at 28 I'm scared of falling and seriously damaging something on the hard tiled floor...plus if you saw my status about breaking things you'll know why I'd rather play it safe and sleep on the bottom bunk) and I am happy that I've had 2 trips to Rasayana today. 

If you've known or followed me for a while you may already know that I love Rasayana raw food restaurant in Bangkok. They prepare the best raw foods with a Thai touch that no one could replicate. I spent a lot of time going to various restaurants in Bali, but Rasayana stands out and wins my heart everytime. 

My favourite dish to date are the cabbage spring rolls. Filled with an almond nut paste and topped with an amazing sauce, the flavours tantalise my taste buds so much it feels like my mouth is dancing with pleasure! I had to eat this dish, there was no question about it. 

During my last few days in Sabah I went through the Rasayana menu and wrote down everything I wanted to try so I ended up getting the shitake sandwich and that was amazing! Impossible to eat with the fingers, I ended up eating most of the salad and then picking up parts of the bread when it was more manageable. Fantastic flavours and I love the sauces so much. 

I bought some apple energy bars whilst I was at the till and they didn't last long in my bag... I ate them on the walk to Terminal 21 shopping mall. They were soooooooooooooo tasty, I will be getting then again. 

Brunch : spring rolls, shitake sandwich and apple energy bars

Then when I returned just before 5pm I had the pasta compane, which was a creamy zucchini spaghetti with cashew cream sauce. This is another of my favourites, so delicious and after every meal I have wanted to lick the plate! 

I have never had dessert at Rasayana before so I wanted to try them. Considering how good some of the cakes were in Bali, I figured this place would exceed at cakes too and yes, it exceeded all expectations. My cheeks tingled, my tongue danced and my head was in a state of disbelief that this cake was made from 100% raw plant foods. Wow. (I'm not pedantic regarding cashews) 

I honestly believe I am Rasayana's number 1 fan... I love everything except the mosquitos. I would move to Thailand just to have this as my regular go to restaurant. 

You must visit one day, I highly recommend it to everyone. 

Check out my latest video, day 1 in Thailand at Rasayana :) 

Wishful Wednesday - an abundance of fruit

Today I am back with another wish. 

As you may or may not know, I have just come back from a trip to Thailand. Due to unforeseen circumstances the trip wasn't as long as I anticipated. I thought I had left England for quite a long time but the universe obviously decided otherwise.

I remember that leading up to my departure I didn't actually know what I wanted to get out of the trip. I had told myself that I would "find myself" and grow, I suppose in a way I learnt a heck of a lot about myself, albeit rather unpleasant realities.

Since coming back to the UK I have had some time to process the reality of staying here, at first I couldn't even fathom the idea of staying, my mind was set on returning (given the fact that I had a return ticket!), but I have decided to let go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things I have had to do.

This is my wallpaper. I look at it everytime I use my tablet because it really is hard for me to do.

I have to trust in my higher self. I have to trust in God. 

Just a bit of background information about myself right now, I lost faith in God when my parents divorced and as a teen, young adult and until this year I didn't believe in God. I've always been a "I want proof" type of person, but so much has happened to me over the last year there has to be a higher power. Coincidences don't exist. 

Let go and let God.

So getting back to my wish. After letting go of going back to Thailand, I have slowly been able to assess what I want and how I would focus when I travel. I have decided this.

I wish to travel to the tropics in order to live an abundant life, eat the freshest and ripest fruits, go to the source and not just the markets. I want to taste different varieties of fruits, to focus my day around eating the best produce and to nourish my cells with quality.

It is from having the time to reflect on my experience that I am now able to decide what it is I want from travelling. I now have a focus.

Jennifer x

Thai Flowers

I have always loved flowers and I have always loved photographing flowers. I love the patterns, the colours, the different shapes and sizes. I especially love rain drops on leaves. If there is something that I should do more of, it is taking photographs of flowers.

Here is a quick board I made of some of the flowers I photographed in Thailand. 

One of the regrets I have about my time in Thailand is not stopping to smell the flowers! I was so busy rushing here and there that I forgot to appreciate the beauty of the natural world. I won't make the same mistake twice, I will purposely seek out the flower fields and enjoy both smell and scenery.

Jennifer x

Subliminal Saturday

Now I know I was only away for 2 months, but since I got back to the UK I seriously feel like I am being brainwashed to buy any shit from any where. I am more conscious to it.

Let me tell you something about Thailand. They do it on a BIGGER scale!

I think that because I spent a lot of time in Bangkok (more than the average tourist probably) witnessing first hand the large scale advertising, it is hard to switch off to the fact that we are all being brainwashed to buy, to consume, to want to dedicate our lives to working in a mediocre job just to buy shit that we really deep down don't need or want just because a poster says we should, or an advert on TV says it'll make us feel better.

I was too cautious to take photos or videos in Bangkok to capture this, mainly on the Skytrain (BTS) because there were signs everywhere saying no photos. Well let me tell you. As soon as you walk up the stairs you're greeted with food stands, magazine stands and clothes shops, when you reach the platform there are MASSIVE bill boards plastered with cars, food, computers. Even the barriers that stop you jumping onto the tracks have digital screens that advertise one thing or another. Then once you're on the train there are posters everywhere and the worst thing are the TV advertisements.

What is it about Asian women being airbrushed to look like Western women?

Why do already petite Asian women need to jump around in skimpy bathing suits (looking Western again) chewing weight loss pills?

WHY ARE ASIANS OBSESSED WITH WEIRD SAUSAGE "MEAT"??

Seriously, everywhere I went there were weird sausages, and you know that the "meat" content will be 0.01% and the rest is something unspeakable.

What disheartened me about Bangkok so much was the need to consume. Huge malls everywhere, shops, stands, everything is about spending money. I got so disheartened by it that I fell out of love with Bangkok, we had a very quick love affair and the only reason I returned was for food - but even then I was part of what made me dislike it!

I never want to fall back into a "normal" life. I don't want to get a 9-5 job just to stay alive. I don't want to own a home and I also don't want to be spending money on a car. From now on it is just me and my bike and whatever public transport I decide to use (mainly a plane out of here again - eventually!), but I want to pledge that no matter how magical things appear I will do my best to avoid being sucked back into the consumerists lifestyle.

If you are struggling to quit consumerism then ask yourself this question

Who is benefiting?

I hope that one day soon everyone wakes up and really sees this matrix we are living in.

Jennifer x

Thai Massages

I think I've had enough massages to give my thoughts and opinions of them.

It took me nearly 2 weeks of being here in Thailand before I had my first massage. I was nervous and apprehensive that I'd leave feeling worse than I went in, so it was a good job I met Anne Sophie. We both needed some TLC and I felt brave being in her company. I opted for a 1 hour Thai massage, whilst Anne Sophie had a back, shoulder and neck massage.

A Thai massage should really last 2 hours long for an authentic experience. One hour was fine, but it really isn't enough time for them to work your muscles and pop your joints! I did enjoy the first massage, but the masseuse pushed a little too hard on my back. I still left feeling like I had taken off a 10kg bag!

My second massage was 2 hours long. I had it after cycling up Doi Suthep. My body has not had that sort of exercise for well over a year (if ever), so I was in a lot of pain! Funny thing about this massage is the fact that it was my best and worst so far.

The reasons for being the worst is because I was in agony! Don't be fooled by tiny Thai women, they're strong! She prodded, kneeled, pushed and shoved me, causing bruises on my legs and bottom. An unforgettable experience that almost caused me to cry!

On the other hand it was the best massage because she bent me in all weird positions that really opened me up and released the tension I'd been holding for a long time. Also, my spine cracked all the way down and I felt like I was reborn! No one has managed to live up to this.

I have had an oil massage, which was pleasant but not effective. I hold tension in my shoulders and upper back and no masseuse has managed to get the knots out.

Today I had another 2 hour Thai massage and I actually fell asleep! It was so relaxing, perhaps I should have requested it to be hard and bendy like the earlier one because I'm pretty sure you're not meant to fall asleep!

I have also had a reflexology foot massage, which was second best massage in my life. I may treat myself again when I go back to Bangkok next week. It is at the Rasayana retreat (where I stuff my face with raw vegan food).

So, after having a few massages I can report that my favourite body parts to be massaged are my feet, calves, hands, shoulders, neck and head. I think I'll avoid the Thai massages in future and get ones that focus on what I like instead.

Thailand is so cheap for massages that you must budget them into your trip, definitely not to be missed!

Jennifer x

What a day looks like in pictures (sort of!)

Fruit for breakfast 

On the bus

Quick selfie

Go sightseeing / do touristy things

Eat raw food at Rasayana
Pesto pasta

Caesar salad

Taco cups

Visit a hospital!
My friend fell the day before and needed her bandage changing

So this obviously isn't everything I do because I missed lunch, which was papaya, and we were also sat in a taxi for 1 hour not going very far or very fast!

I'm going to try making a vlog every day so my YouTube channel can see some action and I can make some dollars!

Hugs and kisses, especially to Steven! 

Jennifer x