Another water fast

So I'm doing another water fast and it's been my worst experience so far. 

Firstly, I have been using a technique of drinking coconut milk to get into ketosis. I've experimented with this method around 5 times now and the last 3 times has been with prepackaged coconut milk (rather cream) from the supermarket. 

When I was at home I'd make my own coconut milk by blending a mature coconut and lots of water. Here in Thailand they extract the pure milk from the coconut meat only, which is why I call it cream. I dilute what I buy here but it's still so sickly. 

After I drank it I felt so ill and after a few hours of gagging and feeling horrible I decided to make myself vomit. Now let me tell you quickly that this practice is very rare for me and I have only ever done it in the past when I've felt so ill that the choice to suffer all night would be more painful than to purge. Especially when alcohol was involved. 

So my fast started off terribly, although after I slept it off I felt aright and my throat had healed quickly from the burning! Today was the second day and I felt alright for the majority of the day, but I did sleep for most of the morning. The afternoon was horrible because every thought I had was about food. 

I started fantasising about the food I'd eat to break the fast. I ended up consuming some coconut oil to see if it would put an end to the thoughts. Nope. 

I started reading some fasting forums and reminded myself of why I'm doing this and the benefits I'll get out of it, but somehow I still cannot shake the thoughts of food. 

People say the 3rd or 4th days are the hardest but for me I can't get through 3 full days. Well I haven't really had a full day if you count the milk and oil! It's just a constant battle in my head. 

I rely on food for comfort and right now I need comfort and support so it's a real struggle for me. It's like a smoker trying to quit cigarettes or an alcoholic giving up alcohol. Food is my drug and I just want rehabilitation. To know that food is there but I no longer have to abuse it to be "normal".

I'm in a better environment now than I have previously been, so I don't know why I'm still struggling as much. The most important lesson I've learned recently is not to beat myself up over this. Although most of the time I feel like I could do better. 

I'm grateful for life and I appreciate the position I am in to be able to take these opportunities to develop.