If you've been watching my YouTube channel and my Instagram feed you may have thought "wow, she really likes eating durian". Yes, I have enjoyed every moment of eating it, but recently I've not been enjoying the after effects, which include increased temperatures, sweating, burping, generally feeling too full because I over ate and then there's durian breath, which if I eat a durian that was too ripe can be awful!
I wanted to leave Ranau, but I decided not to because I hadn't told Sherry so I'm leaving tomorrow instead. I also decided to be more conscious of eating, so I finished the bunch of red bananas I had after waiting a few hours after getting up. The feeling of emptiness was pleasant. I headed to the market at 10 and got a yellow coconut. I think it was my first one ever and it was definitely sweeter. I enjoyed it so much I decided that I would drink 2 more for lunch and buy a small tarap.
Normally I'd eat durian around 2 or 3pm, so when the clock struck 2 I automatically knew because I had a surge in craving durian. Yesterday I decided I was giving it up, but today because I was staying in Ranau I knew I could get it easily and cheap. So I cycled back to the market and bought 4 small wild durian for 5 ringgit and then a tray of ripe durian for 5 ringgit.
I made sure I was fully aware of my actions and how I felt whilst eating these durian. I honestly believe I am addicted to it and I hope that I can just got cold turkey! Needless to say I over ate and felt sick.
I have thought recently how food is a major part of my life and it's ridiculous that I am centering my entire existence upon it. I've been given an interesting book to read and it's the first educational book I've ever been excited to read! I'll tell you more about it when I finish it... Just know that it's changing my whole perspective of food.
My aim is to stop consuming durian for the next few weeks, reduce the amount of fruit I eat and focus more on drinking liquid, listening to my body and allowing healing time. I do believe in the cycle of consumption, which goes for food as much as material consumption. So I eat when I get up, then I feel hungry again so I eat more, which causes more hunger so I eat again and again and again, etc. It's one big viscous cycle. When I eat more I want more. Same for buying things. When I shop I just want to buy more and more and more. But it's not good!
My eyes are opening further and my ideologies are changing. I think it became more apparent to me when I noticed food wasn't actually energising me anymore. This started happening before the excessive durian consumption, but it definitely played a role.
No comments:
Post a Comment