Yin Yoga

One of my goals for a while now has been to practice yoga. I remember I hated my first ever class, I just didn't get it and I was put off by it but when I tried it again with a different teacher it just clicked. 

I never really went to a class consistently for a few years after that but when I moved to Redditch I attended a Yoga Fitness class, which was intense but so enjoyable. Since then I haven't practiced yoga consistently despite trying my best to motivate myself at home. However, I now believe I have found the practice most suitable to me. 

I discovered Yin Yoga in Bali, thanks to Beverley who gave me her class allowance once she left. I can remember the session as if it were yesterday and I can tell you how much I hated it. I can still hear the teacher talk about her own experience in her first class to which she too hated. I laugh about it now. 

Why do most people hate it on their first try? Well Yin Yoga is about holding a pose for 5 or more minutes. It can be pretty intense, especially if you're not particularly flexible. In my first session I wanted to cry, scream, shout and walk out. Mentally I wasn't prepared, physically I wasn't able! But now I actually love it! I feel amazing and I've been doing it everyday for almost 1 week. 

I finally feel like this is the way I'll increase my flexibility, bring awareness to my life and connect to my body. I am a very impatient person, but I really think practicing Yin Yoga will help with this too. I'm also lazy and like to lay around, so this is perfect because often the poses require me to lay down for 5 minutes at a time! The added benefit is that I'll improve my flexibility as a result. Bonus! 

I'm normally rushing around thinking I need to do things fast so it's finally nice to find the balance and practice Yin Yoga to go slow, relax and take the time to improve an area of my body. 

This morning I found a lesson on YouTube and I want to share it with you. 

Enjoy and let me know if you do it, or if you've ever taken a Yin Yoga class before. 

Food fantasies

Day 3 of the fast and I have been thinking about food all day. It seems the only time I don't think about food is when I'm asleep, so I try to sleep as often as my body allows. 

When I do sleep I get these huge energy expansions in my stomach and head and it feels almost euphoric. That's the major benefit of doing this right now. 

So I have been trying to be aware by focusing on my breathing, but that only brings my attention to my empty stomach and then I start thinking about food again. I hoped to get a lot of spiritual things from this, but I think I'm just too afraid of facing my inner self because it's a real struggle to be still. I'm constantly distracting myself. 

For instance, I've made so many lists of foods that I want to eat after fasting in Thailand and I've also made lists of foods I want to eat when I return to the UK. 

I'm also very surprised that I've not eaten the dates I've been eyeing up in my room, but the only reason I don't eat them is because they don't actually taste that good! The only other food I have here are spring onions, which of course would never be a good food to eat alone! 

I am definitely not going to fast again anytime soon. 

I am grateful for having the courage to keep going and I appreciate having the abundance of time everyday. 

Another water fast

So I'm doing another water fast and it's been my worst experience so far. 

Firstly, I have been using a technique of drinking coconut milk to get into ketosis. I've experimented with this method around 5 times now and the last 3 times has been with prepackaged coconut milk (rather cream) from the supermarket. 

When I was at home I'd make my own coconut milk by blending a mature coconut and lots of water. Here in Thailand they extract the pure milk from the coconut meat only, which is why I call it cream. I dilute what I buy here but it's still so sickly. 

After I drank it I felt so ill and after a few hours of gagging and feeling horrible I decided to make myself vomit. Now let me tell you quickly that this practice is very rare for me and I have only ever done it in the past when I've felt so ill that the choice to suffer all night would be more painful than to purge. Especially when alcohol was involved. 

So my fast started off terribly, although after I slept it off I felt aright and my throat had healed quickly from the burning! Today was the second day and I felt alright for the majority of the day, but I did sleep for most of the morning. The afternoon was horrible because every thought I had was about food. 

I started fantasising about the food I'd eat to break the fast. I ended up consuming some coconut oil to see if it would put an end to the thoughts. Nope. 

I started reading some fasting forums and reminded myself of why I'm doing this and the benefits I'll get out of it, but somehow I still cannot shake the thoughts of food. 

People say the 3rd or 4th days are the hardest but for me I can't get through 3 full days. Well I haven't really had a full day if you count the milk and oil! It's just a constant battle in my head. 

I rely on food for comfort and right now I need comfort and support so it's a real struggle for me. It's like a smoker trying to quit cigarettes or an alcoholic giving up alcohol. Food is my drug and I just want rehabilitation. To know that food is there but I no longer have to abuse it to be "normal".

I'm in a better environment now than I have previously been, so I don't know why I'm still struggling as much. The most important lesson I've learned recently is not to beat myself up over this. Although most of the time I feel like I could do better. 

I'm grateful for life and I appreciate the position I am in to be able to take these opportunities to develop. 

Thailand Blog :: return to "normal"

So I did the watermelon cleanse for 3 whole days, I am so proud of myself because I was so tempted to rip open a potentially unripe jackfruit or walk to the big C when my neighbour started playing guitar and wailing like a strangled cat after 9pm, just after I tucked myself into bed. I was tempted to go knocking but I didn't. He stopped at 10.30pm. However, if he does it again tonight I will tell him because I'm up early to catch the minibus to Cambodia and back to get my second 60 days stamp. 

I went out early to find the visa run buses and was unsuccessful, so I cycled to the wholesale market on the highway. It's just over 7km from my accommodation and it didn't take long to get there. 

I went to every stand asking for "Monthong nim nim", which I think means really ripe. Most of them said no and the ones who had them wanted 100baht or 80baht per kilo. I returned to one of the first stalls where I actually got a 2.5kg Monthong for 80baht! However, it lacked a real flavour. It was OK, but compared to the one I had 4 days ago it was bland. 

I don't know what made me buy more from that seller though! But I did and the second Monthong I got was also lacking flavour. I just hope the Chanee I bought it better. 

Then after I went there I was on a hunt for US dollars. After sitting in numerous banks (one bank I waited 30 minutes!) I couldn't find any that had money so I have to spend  little more on the Cambodian visa because I'm paying in baht. Nevermind. 

I cycled around most of the day, which means my tan on my arms, legs and face will be even better, but my white bits will still be white... I better start staying in the sun for longer when I'm naked sunbathing on my balcony. 

I also kept wondering why my lips hurt. It's because they're burnt! So on with the coconut oil, except I love to lick it off my lips! 

I bought pineapple at a different market and now my tongue is burnt too, so I'm feeling a little battered and worn out from my hectic day. I will be happy to turn off the lights and sleep. 

I am grateful for my bicycle and the ability to use it. I appreciate rest and relaxation. 

Day 3 Watermelon Cleanse

I woke up early this morning, 5.30am! This is the first time in a while that I've woken up before the sunrise, mainly because I've had trouble sleeping so my body is out of sync with nature. I went down to the laundry machine and put my clothes in. I had tried the previous day to do washing but someone was using the machine and I decided it would be easier if I just do it first thing when the rest of civilisation is asleep! 

I opened a watermelon last night and still had over half left, so I ate that this morning. I'm not too happy about the quality of watermelon to be honest with you. The main reason I did this cleanse is because I had some awesome torpedo shaped melons and they were so sweet and delicious, but when i got to the market they only had big round ones. Nevermind. 

I've been having stomach ache again today so it must be the quality. At times I've thought I was eating floor cleaner because it has a slight soapy flavour. I'm definitely looking forward to eating something else, but I still have 7kg worth of watermelon to eat! It's a good job they don't go off quickly. They can sit there for a few days unless I really want to eat them. 

I've been going through You Can Heal Your Life again and working with the exercises in depth. I say affirmations first and last thing in the day and throughout the day I'll forgive myself or others. It's going really well. One of the affirmations is about money and a job. The other day I received an email for my recruitment agency saying they have a job and then today my friend sent an email telling me his company are looking for someone in Bangkok! Amazing that it's working immediately. I am hopeful for the future. 

I also started reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and it is mind blowing already! I've been doing exercises from this book too regarding awareness of the ego. I will conquer the ego one day and I feel it will be sooner than I think! 

All in all today has been positive despite staying in for most of the day. It rained a lot, but it stopped by 5pm so I went to the park to walk and use my new found awareness. I stood watching birds flying and gliding against the lake and then I admired some dragon flies and flowers. Amazing. 

I am so grateful that I have been given two amazing books to read and that they're having such a great impact on my life. I appreciate nature and all that is created by our one mother and father. 

Day 2 Watermelon Cleanse

Well I disregarded everything I said yesterday, I stuffed myself once again despite not being hungry and I even had severe pain because of it. Will I ever learn?

I ate 2.5 watermelons totalling 7kg approximately.

I have experienced my kundalini energy flowing throughout my body since I went to bed last night. It's been wonderful, mainly staying in my stomach area but occasionally going up to my head and filling me with peace, calm and tranquility. Best day ever for that.

Day 1 Watermelon Cleanse

I had a terribly late night because I did not feel tired at all. In fact recently my sleeping patterns have been so erratic and it's possibly because I've been resting a lot during the day. 

I woke up after 8am and I drank 1.5 litres of water mixed with lime. I took myself off to the park for a brisk walk and I used some of the exercise machines. I figured I should be more active because I've been very lazy for nearly a month now. 

When I returned home it was after 10am and I wasn't hungry at all. So I waited another hour and still wasn't hungry. Strange. Perhaps it was the durian and then 100g of soaked cashews that I ate for dinner?! I started to think perhaps I wasn't ever going to get hungry so I just ate half a watermelon. 

It was probably the worst thing to do. I kept telling myself I should really wait for my body to tell me to eat but recently I've been eating for lack of something better to do (even though I could be doing so much!). Then I experienced severe stomach pain. I waited about 30 minutes before I ate the second half. Again I should have listened to my body. 

I waited around 3 hours before I started a second watermelon. I wasn't even hungry this time either but I ate it. 

I finished reading the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and it was so insightful. I have used food throughout my life as comfort and I recognise it, but I still have trouble implementing a way to stop that affecting me now. However, after saying that I did decide that I would surrender my power to God whenever I got the urge to eat (but didn't actually need to eat) and I totally dismissed everything I had discussed with myself in the park!

Tomorrow is a new day and I will try harder.