Thailand Blog :: relaxing, new hostel, English club

Well hello there. Hopefully I've not lost my readers because my posting has been inconsistent. I have also abandoned my YouTube channel too.

So I left the alternative school, returned to Bangkok on the train, cancelled my second voluntary position because it was difficult to get to (and I felt like I needed a rest from being with so many children), chilled out for 1 week and now I'm in another hostel in Bangkok helping Thai students improve their English speaking skills. 

First impressions of the hostel were "I want to go back to De Talak!" 

Here's why. The building is residential, once upon a time it may have been a wealthy families 5 storey home, which then may have been developed into flats and it has since been converted into a hostel. The rooms are packed with bunk beds. There are shower curtains hung around the beds to create walls in order to keep privacy when people from other rooms come in to use the bathroom. There is an unusable kitchen that smells terribly damp, the fridge was padlocked (but I think it was cleaned out today) and the lockers are actually really old built in wardrobes and cupboards. 

I feel like I moved from a mid to high range modern hostel to an 80's shabby chic home. The bathroom actually has a bath (which looks like it's older than me) but it smells like those awful lemon toilet balls. The first bed I slept in was just terrible. The mattress is softer than any I've ever slept on (in Thailand the beds are normally rock hard so it was a shock to my body!) and it didn't fit the frame so technically I could have fallen down onto my bunk buddy as well as onto the floor. I tried to keep still and as I was conscious of this I didn't sleep well, plus the noise downstairs was very loud too. 

My second night was a bit better but I have been having to listen to music in order to get to sleep. The first night I listened to smooth jazz, very sexy saxophone music and last night I fell asleep listening to Iggy Azalea! 

Today I moved beds so I am right underneath the air conditioning unit. The previous two nights I was so hot so I made the decision to be blasted with cold air. Let's see how it turns out tonight! 

I was actually dreading the teaching part because of my inexperience but I actually really enjoyed it. The first class I did was not prepared very well. Learning from yesterday's mistakes I put some effort into planning today but I had planned for a group of 9 but in the end they were split up and I only got 3! So my tasks were completed quickly and the last 30 minutes was terrible! 

I feel confident about staying here for 2 weeks now. My initial judgements are turning around and I'm finding things quirky rather than awful. I said to myself not to make judgements and after I accepted that statement I started to see the beauty and not the negativity. 

Tomorrow I may tell you about my recent eating habits... 

Using time effectively

I had the realisation today about how I want to spend my time and I figured I'd let you all know in case it inspires you to think and do a similar thing. 

As it dawned on me how ridiculous my travel goals are/were, basically travelling for food, I came to the conclusion that if I remove food from the equation I'm left with an incredible amount of time. For a raw vegan, food essentially becomes the be all and end all of life. In a nut shell we're conditioned to think we need to have x amount of calories and so we're forever chasing those calories and making sure we have enough supply to keep us going because despite the times when we ate a standard diet and skipped a meal now and then, as a raw vegan we might die of starvation (exaggeration!). 

Not only does it take up time eating food, we must calculate the time spent travelling for food, preparing it and planning our every meal. 

So, when I have all of that time back I'm left wondering what I can do. When you suddenly have an incredible amount of time it can become overwhelming and if you've previously eaten through boredom then it is very tempting to reach for something to eat once again. But this time I've prepared a list of activities I have enjoyed doing throughout my life and always wished for the extra time to perfect them. 

1. Photography. I love photographing flowers, architecture, vintage cars, art and design. I'm sure if I spent more time perfecting this skill I could take better photographs and perhaps sell them in the future. 

2. Playing the ukulele. This is a new skill I'm developing and I bought a book with 127 songs to learn. I'm sure that will take up a lot of time but with having more time to play I will be busking on the streets in no time! 

3. Dancing. A passion of mine since an early age but never fully dedicating my time to it. Now I can learn every style of dance that I want to without worrying about "carbing up". 

4. Yoga. This has been an on and off interest of mine for a few years but time, practice and patience always get in the way. Now I will have no excuse. I'm thinking that a yoga retreat might be a good start. 

5. Meditation. I'm in Thailand and I have been contemplating doing a 10 day silent meditation retreat. I have no excuses. If I don't need to eat then my diet no longer causes an issue. I want to learn from the so called masters and this is my opportunity to do so. 

6. Learn languages. Travelling is amazing, but sometimes I would love to speak the language of the country I'm travelling it. Sure English is widely spoken, but I think it takes great intelligence to master a language. I should at least try to learn 1 other language. 

7. Reading. There's no excuses for this one either. I struggle to read educational texts but there's no reason why I cannot spare 1 hour a day for a book. Plus libraries are open worldwide so my excuse for wanting to hold a physical book is not valid. I can just go to a library! 

8. Singing. I loved being a member of the Redditch Operatic Society a few years ago and learning the songs for Tarantara Tarantara, it would be great to be part of a society like that again and putting on a big show after weeks of hard work. 

9. Running/jogging. I would love to perfect this activity and increase my distance in the right setting. 

10. Creating my own art. I learned how to draw a few years ago (after studying Architecture at university and not knowing how to draw properly!) and I haven't used this knowledge since. I used to fantasise about travelling in Italy with a car and sketching the coastal views and scenery along the way.

11. Sewing. I love fabrics and I love clothes. I sold my sewing machine to come travelling but with a little effort I can buy a better one and continue my passion for (my weird) fashion! 

As you can see I have a lot of ways to fill my time. I just need to be proactive, stop dwelling and making excuses and just do it! There's so much to be discovered that the possibilities really are endless. 

Fantasies

I've been living in a bubble recently, allowing my imagination to run wild with possible scenarios for what could happen to me in the immediate future. Whilst this can bring up joyful and pleasant thoughts, it's just not very productive. 

I've spent most of my life living in a fantasy land, probably because I've been too afraid of facing up to my reality and living in the present moment. I can see that what I've been doing recently is avoiding the issues I have right now. 

Whilst it's nice to have warm fuzzy thoughts about a member of the opposite sex, it's counter productive due to my choice to be celibate and to be alone to find out who I am as a spirit. I've allowed the ego to rule for so long that now I am awakening it would be a shame to let it continue to rule my decisions. 

Tonight I had this realisation as my school girl crush ate meat and drank beer. I have vowed to be vegan sexual, meaning I will not have a relationship with anyone who isn't vegan and on top of that I give my body to God. In this day and age finding someone of the opposite sex who fits in with my goals is almost impossible. 

Most people tell me I'll meet someone and fall in love, but after 12 years of loving numerous men (conditionally) and then being told by that one special guy that we're not compatible I think it's better if I stop spending time thinking about it and use the time in other productive ways. 

I'm not looking for external love. I still need to love myself entirely. Sure it's nice to be close to people, to hold, caress and kiss, but I'm getting to that point where it doesn't matter anymore. As long as I meet people who can touch my soul then I know I'm progressing. 

Compulsive eating

I've noticed over the last week that my eating habits have become out of hand. Now I want to put down my thoughts and ideas as to why. 

I noticed that I wanted to eat because of boredom. It's not that I lack things to do here, there's plenty I can do, but I choose not to do anything and so I replace those activities with food. 

I am aware that I also become very drained around non native English speakers. It's easy enough for me to understand broken English nowadays, but when someone takes half an hour to tell me something that I could have said in 5 minutes (over exaggeration to get my point across) then I become very tired and want to retreat to my own space where I won't be disturbed by people. 

I use food as a way to escape. If I'm eating people are less inclined to have a conversation with me and the same for if I'm preparing things. 

I have forgotten that it's OK to just sit and breathe. Sometimes I think I should be doing something, even if that means eating when I'm not hungry. This precious time is vital and is called meditation! I need to get back into a routine where I meditate, love myself, give thanks, pray and contemplate. I've not been doing this recently. 

Going back to the point regarding people, I recently read an article about addiction and the discovery that it's not the drug that makes people become addicted, it's their environment, how they feel, how they interact with the world around them. In the back of my mind I have these thoughts that I am alone, there's no one like me who I will meet right now and so I go misunderstood. I cannot fully explain my being and if I could I'd be faced with unanswerable questions so I guess I bury it away and that's hiding who I am. 

Food is the easiest way to forget this or mask it because it's always been there for me. I have always eaten for comfort in the past so it's a habit I need to break. 

It's like I take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Right now I'm on that step backwards, but soon enough I'll be moving forward again and fingers crossed I'll be able to say I conquered compulsive eating. 

Thailand Blog :: weekend round off

Right, I've been slacking. I'm going to try to sum up my last few days in a paragraph each and no more.

Friday was an early finish at the school. Some kids stayed over on Thursday night (and I watched Charlie and the chocolate factory with them -  the Johnny Depp version. Wow is he fit when he plays odd characters!) I didn't really do much either. The kids played "Olympics" and I was the score keeper! After lunch I got on the bike and rode to Bang Saen with ukulele in tow. I found a park (with no grass) and cycled up the promenade where there was so much seafood and surprisingly durian! I bought an avocado for 75baht at Tops Market and cycled home.

Saturday I debated cycling to Pattaya. It took about 2 hours before I finally decided I was going so I got on the bike around 10.30am. Pattaya is 37km from where I'm staying and there's just one road, Sukhumvit highway 3. It took just over 2 hours and I was so happy when I saw Rasayana. So easy to find. I got 3 courses, veggie sandwich, nut loaf and strawberry mouse pie, which was frozen! Then I cycled to Central Festival Mall, bought mosquito spray, nuts and watched some guys dance in the arcade area. Then I cycled to find The Sanctuary of Truth, but the price said 500baht and with the sun falling I decided I'd go. I was almost hit once on the way home, I started crying shortly after and I stopped at the market before finally settling back at home. 

Today I had pins and needles and numbness in my hand, the one I fell onto when I fell over with the bike. I ended up cycling to the 2 temples though and buying coconuts. Then I went to the market and have pretty much eaten all day long. I just watched the documentary called McLibel and now I'm in bed listening to Nelly Furtado and sending pics of my silly faces to someone! 

The first mangoes were harvested from the farm yesterday so I'm going to be stuffing my face before I go! Yum. 

Off to bed and ready for another day of school tomorrow. Goodnight! 

Thailand Blog :: school

It was my 4th day at the school and it went slightly better. My job today was to look after the art room and instruct the children to make a toy. They were grouped in age range so that it's easier for us to help. 

The ideas that the kids came up with started off terribly from the first group. I asked one girl what toys she played with and she said none. These children come from wealthy families, but I guess they aren't spoilt like us westerners. I asked about dolls, doll houses, building blocks, cars, etc. Her response was she played with her cousin and they didn't have toys. Hmm... I was stumped. 

I expected at least one child to suggest making a computer device (because they love playing on the laptop) but not one person suggested it. In England there would be a class of 20 and only 5 people would suggest something other than a tablet/ipad/phone. It goes to show how different our countries are... 

I got the most enthusiasm from my final group, which made the last hour go by so quick. Only 1 person wanted to make a weapon, which was also surprising. Boys normally want to play with guns or swords! 

I have to say that these kids are so cute though. Asian children have an extra cuteness factor, even if English isn't their first language and I struggle to understand them. It's the big brown eyes, dark hair and skin. I just sit a laugh sometimes. But no matter what skin, race or religion, all children are the same. Innocent, strange and random :P

I'm going to stay until the 28th and then I will go on to another voluntary experience. 

Thailand Blog :: first day volunteering

Wow... There are no other words for now.

My first day was a huge shock to my system, I had forgotten what it's like to work with children. They're so energetic, full of life and very noisy!

I woke up at 6pm and got back into my routine of stretching with some yoga moves, tomorrow I'll do more because I had so much free time in the morning. My plan was to eat when I'm hungry, but it's impossible when you follow a schedule and it's one of the topics covered in the book Man's Higher Consciousness that I recommended a few weeks ago. We force ourselves to eat due to jobs (some people may not be fortunate enough to eat as and when they desire, so they must eat when they can or "starve"). 

So I ended up helping cut up fruit this morning, which was fine. I was requested to carve love hearts into the watermelon pieces, which was quite fun, but when one of the boys was failing to peel the rock hard green mangoes I took over his job. I don't know why Thai people love to eat unripe mango... It's just sour and too crunchy. 

After that class started and it was mayhem. They're currently running a summer school program and normal outside children are enrolled so there's more children than normal and they're not all up to the same level with English. I struggled with one girl who was either severely shy or didn't know any English. She just looked at me blankly and I had no idea how to speak with her. 

My task was to supervise the juggling ball making, which is using balloons and rice by the way. You funnel some rice into a bottle, blow up a balloon and place it over the bottle before tipping the rice inside, then you chop off part of the balloon and the same on a flat balloon and wrap it over, repeat with a 3rd balloon. It was not relaxing at all... I'm a perfectionist and I get stressed surrounded by mess (OK so my bedroom is a different story) so I was frantically trying to help and keep the place tidy! 

I had a very good time with one little girl who is partially sighted, it looks like she has cataracts, but she had the most life singing and jumping around. She liked to come to me and have me pull faces. I enjoyed that a lot. I love pulling faces, in fact I would do it all the time with my reflection at university. I was my own friend haha

Part of me was thinking I'm not cut out for this and I will leave on Friday, but then part of my wants to keep going because that little girl made my day and I want to see how the children progress. I will decide by Wednesday though. 

The major downside are mainly the heat, showers, mosquitos and flies. I was spoilt in Bangkok with air conditioning and the shower was awesome too. I did have to out up with mosquitos in my hostel though and flies too but no where near as bad as this. Someone said we attract these things because of the level of our vibration, but I think that's total BS because I've been high, low and in between and it never differs, they always seem to want to be on me like they're on dog shit. 

That's the main highlights of my day. Right now I'm just chilling in front of a fan. Earlier the ice cream I had hardly cooled me down. I just have to get used to my sweat beard and sticky skin. 

Peace